#but there's also no way he doesn't go to heaven in the end lol not with his current tragic 'life' story

[stevethehairington]

i am once again thinking of a good omens wicked au, but this time instead of the obvious crowley as elphaba and aziraphale and glinda, im thinking of the OPPOSITE.

im thinking of how AZIRAPHALE fits elphaba's character in that he is an outsider amongst his peers and he's a little bit awkward and he's got so much faith in the almighty/the wizard. he's got "parents" (read: god) who expect so much from him and siblings who are ashamed of him. and he's got dreams! he wants to do big things! he wants to work hand in hand with and make the almighty/the wizard proud!

and im thinking about how CROWLEY fits glindas character in the sense that he's suave and charming and people are drawn to him. he knows how to talk to them and how to get them to do what he wants, and he's the one that teaches aziraphale things about the world (a la popular, like tempting aziraphale into eating meat and drinking wine and all these very human things he never would have thought to do without crowleys influence).

im thinking of how the two of them start out absolutely loathing each other, as mortal enemies, one could say... but how over time and as they bond more and more, as they see different sides of one another, that loathing turns into something else. something just as strong, just as passionate, but softer. gentler. sweeter. it turns into love.

and of course everything gets shattered when upon meeting his idol, aziraphale learns that god isn't what he thought she was. it turns out god is just a pipe dream. all there is is a floating head, the metatron, posing as god. and not at all the great and powerful entity aziraphale believed. and the metatron CANT help aziraphale, can't fix him. and thus the downfall of aziraphale begins.

[purpleshadow-star]

So, the season finale of Hazbin Hotel came out last night.

Spoilers ahead

I was never part of the Hazbin Hotel or Helluva Boss fandom(s), though I have been watching Helluva Boss since about midway through when season one was being released. I only watched the pilot for Hazbin Hotel maybe six months to a year ago, and I only ever watched it once. I never kept up with VivziePop or whatever was happening behind the scenes. I watched Hazbin Hotel as it came out the past few weeks, I’ve watched some TikToks about it over the past week, and I read through a few (like, three) of the character’s wiki pages like, yesterday.

So, with all of my inexperience in the fandom and in this universe, I’m going to try to predict how the show is going to end.

Kind of.

Well, I’m going to make a prediction.

I think Angel Dust will be the last resident of the hotel we see get redeemed.

Angel was the first resident of the hotel. It’s only fitting that he’d be the last (that we see, anyway).

I think that season one was almost like a set-up season. The main characters and their characterizations/arcs have been established. The main problem, the extermination, has been temporarily dealt with. It’s been proven that the main objective in the show, redeeming sinners through the Hazbin Hotel, is possible. Seeds of a bigger plot and future trouble have been planted.

Now that the bigger plot things are out of the way, I think the show will be able to (hopefully) slow the pace down now and really focus on the hotel itself and the redemption process of the sinners that choose to be there, along with the individual characters and their personal journeys and arcs.

I think that Sir Pentious getting redeemed and making it into Heaven proved that the concept of the hotel can work, so now that they have the bigger, newly built hotel, they’ll start to get more residents. We’ll meet and bond with more characters as the seasons go on and they’ll go through the hotel and eventually get redeemed and go to Heaven.

I think that during all of this, for the next few seasons, we’ll see Angel work towards redeeming himself too. At this point, he’s accepted the hotel. He’s accepted his place there and he’s been visibly getting better. We’ll see him continue his path to redemption while also dealing with Valentino, his contract with him, and any other personal conflicts that arise.

I think that partway through the show, we’ll see Angel start to kind of put off becoming fully redeemed. Maybe he’ll just slow down, but I think we’ll see him become more apprehensive about completing his redemption.

At this point, he’ll probably already be in an official relationship with Husk, and his situation with Valentino might be resolved or at least not as much of an issue anymore. I think he’ll start putting off officially moving on into Heaven because he realizes that he doesn’t want to leave his friends behind. He won't want to leave the friends he’s made at the hotel, so even though he might be ready or almost ready to go to Heaven, he’ll just keep putting it off.

I think Angel’s ascension to Heaven will be the big series finale. I think that it’ll be a big emotional moment. Angel will accept that it’s time to move on, and there will be an emotional scene where he says goodbye to Charlie (who, as a Hellborn demon and not a mortal soul, can’t go to Heaven like the other sinners), and Vaggie (who will choose to stay with Charlie and has no desire to go back to Heaven), and probably Alastor (who loves his power and control too much to want anything to do with redemption himself) and maybe Niffty (I’m undecided about whether she’ll try for redemption, but I’m thinking no, at least as of right now). If Husk stays behind, that’ll be an absolutely heartbreaking goodbye too, but I’m thinking that, at some point in the show, Husk might decide to try for redemption as well, so maybe he and Angel are going together and saying their goodbyes together.

I think we’ll get a teary goodbye for the people Angel is leaving behind in Hell, but we’ll also get a joyous reunion scene where he meets up with all the redeemed souls in Heaven as well. He’ll get to see all the former residents we got to meet throughout the show, and maybe he’ll even have a moment where he gets to reunite with his sister, too. It’ll be a somewhat bittersweet moment, but a happy one overall, because Angel Dust, the first resident of the Hazbin Hotel, who didn’t take it seriously in the beginning and thought redemption wasn’t possible, who went through so much in Hell and who didn’t think things could get better for him, will have finally completed the journey to redemption and moved on to Heaven.

And then maybe we’ll get an epilogue-esque scene or series of clips of Charlie and Vaggie happily continuing to help redeem sinners in the Hazbin Hotel, of Angel and the other redeemed souls happily living their best afterlives in Heaven, of the redeemed sinners meeting and welcoming new redeemed souls into Heaven as they come in.

And maybe, taking place some time in the future, maybe years after Angel goes to Heaven, we’ll get a moment of Charlie and Vaggie, and any of the other original cast that stayed in Hell, being allowed to take a day trip into Heaven. Maybe we’ll get to see them reunite with the redeemed sinners in Heaven in person for the first time since the redeemed souls left, and it’ll be a happy reunion where they’re all just happy to see each other again and catch up. Maybe at this point the show has already established a way for the redeemed souls to still be able to communicate and keep in touch with those in Hell, so maybe this isn’t the first time the two groups have spoken to each other since the redeemed souls left the hotel, but maybe it is the first time since the redeemed souls left that they’ve been able to see each other in person, so the teary hugs all around are expected and maybe even appreciated.

Maybe the show will end on a happy note, where our first and most skeptical hotel resident ends up happily redeemed with a partner who loves and values him for who he is and friends who care for him, and where our main character is able to fulfill her dreams of helping her subjects find the best version of themselves and move on to a better place.

Maybe the extermination no longer happens, so there’s no more deadlines. Maybe being redeemed is no longer just an escape from second death. Not every soul in Hell is going to want to change, but for Charlie, it’s not about redeeming every soul. The Hazbin Hotel started as a way to decrease Hell’s population so that the extermination would no longer be necessary, so that no more souls, however awful, would be needlessly killed, but Charlie knows that the extermination was never about overpopulation, and yet she’s still going through with the hotel and she’s still working to redeem sinners.

So, maybe the extermination is a thing of the past, but Charlie will still continue running the hotel and giving sinners another chance, because everyone deserves another chance. Because Hell isn’t forever, and despite whatever some people did when they were alive, they deserve the chance to try to redeem themselves. They deserve the chance to try to be better. And that’s Charlie’s dream. She just wants to give her subjects the opportunity to do better, and not everyone will take it, but in the end, we'll see that all the effort was worth it for those few souls who do.

So, to recap: I think Angel Dust will be the last sinner we see get redeemed. We might get clips and/or mentions of souls after him, but he’ll be the last character to go to Heaven who’s journey to redemption we’ve seen. In the series finale, he’ll be the last major character to be redeemed, and we’ll get to see him live his best life in Heaven while Charlie happily stays behind in Hell to help guide more souls along the path to redemption.

Or at least, that’s something I’d like to see, anyway.

[bumblebeesfromvenus]

TF141 taking you on a picnic date 💐

─── ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ⋅ ⋅ ────── ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ⋅ ⋅ ───

They're a little very all over the place because I wrote all of them on different days lol

I hope you'll enjoy it anyway <3

Some NSFW for all of them, but it's just a little bit at the very end, the rest is sweet fluff!!

Lmk who you would go on a picnic date with!

─── ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ⋅ ⋅ ────── ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ⋅ ⋅ ───

─── ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ⋅ ⋅ ────── ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ⋅ ⋅ ───

John is such a romantic.

Maybe not the flashy kind, but in subtle and sincere ways. He would absolutely love to take you on a picnic date, he might even be more excited about it than you are.

You know how girls have those dreams of specific dates or scenarios??? Well, boys have that too, and this is John's. He finds the perfect spot, a secluded park with a field of wildflowers that bloom beautifully in the summer.

As ready as he was to organize the whole thing himself in the matter of a day, he'd adore to organize it with you. Write a grocery list, make some homemade goods, pack up the car. The domesticity makes his heart do flips.

"Do you reckon champagne would be too over the top?"

"John, honey, we're going on a picnic."

"Touchè."

And it's 100% fool proof.

This man has something planned for every single scenario because nothing will ruin this for him. He'll hold your umbrella while he gets soaked if he has to.

He hasn't asked you to marry him yet, but this seals the deal for him. He's already imagining going on a picnic like this on every single anniversary until you're physically unable to.

Did he overdo it a bit with the outfit? Maybe, but he couldn't care less about potential grass stains when his white button-down shirt and his beige slacks basically make you drool.

John insisted on a classic picnic basket, but he'll accept input regarding the pattern of the blanket. He's so utterly in love with you it's ridiculous. And when you come down the stairs in a flowy and floral sundress the blood in his body doesn't know where to rush first, his heart or his cock.

"Fucking hell, dove. You look divine."

He makes heart eyes at you but also has a raging hard on. What can he say? You keep him balanced.

John has to try so hard not to drop to his knees in front of you and beg. For what? He doesn't even know. It just feels like the right thing to do with you looking like a goddess. He loves it when he can press his nose against your soft mound all while his forehead rests on your pudgy tummy and your fingers card through his hair.

The drive there is lovely. The sun is out, it's a comfortable temperature, and the mood is high. The windows are rolled down, and you both sing along to music while his hand is planted firmly in yours. The location is even more beautiful than you thought. There's willow trees and all kinds of sweet smelling flowers accompanied by the symphony of busy bees and chirping birds.

After everything is set up, it's the best day of your life, probably. It's so so so nice.

And yes, he did bring the champagne.

Your head is in his lap while he strokes your hair and feeds you bits of cake. It's so romantic that it's sickening. SICKENING, I say. He's just so perfect. You talk and laugh, and it's so fun. T

he day goes by in the blink of an eye, and suddenly, it's golden hour, and John swears you're heaven on earth. You're so pretty, and he wants nothing more than to kiss you silly, frankly.

So he does.

Just bristly and sloppy kisses wherever he can reach, your cheeks, jaw, neck. You shift your position, you're now lying down on the blanket, facing each other. The tips of your noses touch, and you're a tangled mess of limbs.

John wants to fuck you more than he ever wanted anything in his life, but he's a man of style, so rubbing you through your panties until your hips buck away from his hand will have to do until you get home and he can take care of you properly <3

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.

Johnny only wants to spend time with you. He doesn't care how.

He'll do anything to be by your side. Such a clingy bastard but we all love him for that. He loves being outside, and now he gets to let out his romantic side, too???? He's sold.

I'm also firmly convinced that he listened in on what his sisters gushed about in books or movies, and he uses that as his guideline for dates.

He makes sure there's a variety of different foods. Let's be honest he probably packed way too much, but he just wants to have options! Frankly, Johnny's is positively buzzing with excitement to get to spend such a lovely day with you.

As much as he loves to laze around with you on the couch, he needs air to breathe. So anything that's outside is an immediate yes from him. He's so so so excited that he doesn't shut up about it for days before the actual date.

Johnny is 100% one to overpack. He takes absolutely EVERYTHING, and you end up not even using half of it.

"I- Johnny??"

"Yeah, bonnie?"

"Why, for the love of God, did you bring a hazmat suit???"

"Ya never know!"

He will pack so many outdoor activities, like frisbee, badminton, a football, literally so much but you don't end up using any of it because he'll doze off as the sun shines down on the both of you.

He just can't help it! Your pudgy tummy is such a nice pillow, and the way your fingers rake through his mohawk and over his scalp nearly make his eyes roll into the back of his head.

He doesn't notice the smiles and nice looks the pair of you get from bypassers, but you can't help but giggle. It makes your belly jiggle, which in turn makes Johnny smile, still face down in your soft fat.

After he wakes up, though, there's a lot of talking that you'll happily listen to.

Corny jokes, overexaggerated stories from missions or his family, and from time to time, he'll get distracted by your pretty face with all its soft edges and kiss you.

Constant snacking. I mean, we all know the boys can EAT, but Johnny is such a foodie. Will eat everything and anything.

He also LOVES Irn Bru. It's definitely more of an... acquired taste, shall we say, but I think it's also very nostalgic for him.

He doesn't care what you wear. However, there are some things that get him feral. Sundresses are obviously on the list, but he adores long skirts. He likes how they flow when there's a nice breeze, and he thinks they make you look very elegant.

He will play into the whole Princess charade with long skirts or dresses.

"There's ma princess. Are ya ready to depart, m'lady?"

He will also bow very dramatically.

Undoubtedly, his favorite part of those skirts is when he gets to push them up your plush thighs and bury is face in your sweet cunt while the fabric is bunched up around your wide hips and fiddles with the hem because his goal is to bring you to bliss with his tongue only <3

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.

Kyle loves the water.

I don't know why, but I feel it in my bones. From streams and lakes all the way to the great big ocean. His casual style in the summer would definitely be coastal grandson, too.

So your picnic date would obviously take place in the vinicty of water. It's somewhere in a small park that has a nice big lake with lilypads and ducks swimming across it.

You'd be right by the shore, feet in the shallow water while you enjoy your lunch. Kyle is so sweet and considerate!

He'd bring you a bouquet of daisies and lovingly hold your hand in his. If it gets a little too breezy, he'll tuck you into his side and stretch his jacket over the both of you as much as he can.

He always brings you a new rock from that lake when he comes home from his morning run, and when you two are at the beach, he'll collect seashells with you.

It's all about balance and teamwork with Kyle. He makes the sandwiches while you whip up a quick sweet treat. You carry the basket while he has the blanket slung over his shoulder and your drinks in the other hand!

I feel like he'd really enjoy picnics, but they're not his favorite activity. He likes to explore a bit, just sitting around isn't quite his style. But it's nice to just sit and breathe sometimes.

For dates, he prefers the classic going out to dinner. Getting to see you all dressed up in the gentle atmosphere of a cozy restaurant makes his heart swell. But he won't ever deny you anything. Definitely not something as simple as a picnic.

A big smile stretches across his cheeks when he sees a little duck family waddling along the shore before they glide into the water.

"You think we'll have little ducklings of our own one day?"

You can only match his smile as you follow his line of sight.

"Who knows, maybe."

He pulls you close and presses a kiss to your temple. The picnic is starting to grow on him.

"... did you mean actual ducklings, or was it a metaphor for kids?"

"Both?"

As badly as you want to call him ridiculous, the mental image of Kyle with a duckling or a baby makes your heart beat with affection.

Also does not care what you wear, but he, too, has a weakness for sundresses as all men do. The way it hugs your ass, your tummy, and your supple tits makes him want to sink his teeth into your soft flesh.

An absolute sucker for a square neckline. No, I can not elaborate. You'll just have to take my word for it.

You watch the sunset together, the park becoming emptier as the light fades. He loves how you look during the golden hour and will gently hold your face to admire all your pretty features. Kyle likes that the park now only has the both of you and a pair of swans that swim over the lake like lovers.

What he loves even more is making you ride his slender fingers while the only sounds that fill the air is the chirping of cicadas and your heavenly moans while the remnants of the golden sun shine down on you making you look like a dream come true <3

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.

Simon isn't thrilled, let's say.

When he thinks of picnics he thinks of big open spaces, obnoxious people with annoying kids and uncomfortable wooden benches. Of which none are his cup of tea.

So you make compromises. Talk about it and ask what he would be okay with. He isn't the biggest fan of PDA, he's stuck between wanting to show off his love for you to the whole world and keeping it close to his heart like the sacred thing that it is.

But Simon perks up when you mention something about a lovely forest that's pretty secluded. Now that he can work with. Even though he's a born city boy, he'd much rather take a walk in a forest or on a little trail than on the busy streets of Manchester or London.

So he agrees, deciding that your excited reaction and thank you kisses were already worth it. He watches as you prepare the lunch you're taking with you, answering all your questions on what he'd prefer.

The truth, he'd eat rocks if your lovely hands prepared them.

He packs up the car and drives to the car park nearby, grumbling over the fee before it all melts away when he sees your smile.

The walk there on its own is nice. Holding your hand and listening to the birdsong that echoes along the tall trees. Of course, he's carrying everything.

You will never ever have to carry anything with him around, not on his watch. It's his way of repaying you for taking care of him and loving him. He would've carried you as well if you weren't so fussy about it.

When you set up the blanket and just lay down, it's the first time you think you've ever seen his shoulders untense on their own.

Simon's eyes even flutter shut, and his breath evens out.

It's just the two of you in a little glade with the vast green of the woods making your own little sanctuary.

Your head is on his shoulder, and his nose is buried in your hair.

"This.. this is nice."

He speaks so softly as if not to disturb the peace of nature. You can't help but smile and press a kiss to his cheek.

"I'm glad you think so. It is really nice."

It's mostly pleasant silence after that with the occasional short conversation, but that's how you like it best.

When you hand him his lovingly prepared sandwich, he catches your chin between his fingers and kisses you so softly that you melt right into his touch.

"You're so patient with me, love. I appreciate it."

"Of course. A few compromises aren't the end of the world if it means you're happy."

He's a fucking goner, okay.

He loves it when you wear one of his sweat jackets or flannels over a nice dress. It's so obviously not yours which signals to other people that you're taken.

And considering the size and color of the thing, it's safe to assume it belongs to that hunk of a man always by your side.

He lays back onto the soft blanket and pulls you onto his chest, wrapping his arms around you. There are a few sun spots shining through the thick canopy of leaves, warming your skin.

You're half asleep, dozing off, ignoring the way he fiddles with his trousers until he pushes your panties to the side and sinks his thick cock into your pussy, having you warm his length. It makes him feel so impossibly close to you and his brain melts and before you know it, he's snoring beneath you, his dick buried inside of you <3

─── ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ⋅ ⋅ ────── ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ⋅ ⋅ ───

I hope you liked it! <3

More CoD and other works -> 💫

[mysicklove]

𝐎𝐍 𝐓𝐎𝐍𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓'𝐒 𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐖!

cw: sub! denki kaminari, gn! reader, toy use: bullet vibrator, nipple clamps, fleshlight. kinda heavy bondage (he is tied to chair lol), sadistic reader!!, denki being the biggest dork at the end, unedited (for now?) and POORLY WRITTEN lolol

wc: 1.8k

a/n: well @sorrowfulrosebud this was supposed to be a drabble. oopsies. everyone dont yell at me for writing this instead of kinktober IM SORRY. ALSO denki is a little silly at the end, I hope it doesn't ruin the mood for you guys :/ he is just such a nerd to me.

“No. No. Nonononono!” The blonde squeals, squirming in his chair. His legs try to kick up, causing his thighs to pull at the restraints.

You frown at him but ignore his plea, snapping the nipple clams onto the first nipple. He jumps in his chair and he lets out a yelp, muffling the sounds of the vibrator. “Don’t “no” me, you were the one to beg for this.”

In an instant, Denki’s face shifts into a wicked grin, and you roll your eyes. “You know I like to put on a show,” he purrs, “makes it more kinky, don’t you think?”

“Yeah, yeah, you sick pervert.” You use the remote to turn up the vibrator logged inside him a setting higher, and the blonde gulps, letting about a small mewl. Then, you clamp the metal onto his other nipple, forcing another pained noise out from his mouth.

“Ow! Ow!” He screeches, twisting from left to right in his red rope bindings. “It still hurts! Y-You got to be gentle with me!”

You reach for his thigh, giving him a teasing slap. “Quit that. Gentle with you? You would throw a hissy fit if I was.”

He remains quiet at that, agreeing with you, and the action makes you grin. You grab the fleshlight and begin to pour a copious amount of lube onto it while Denki squirms in his chair, excited for what’s to come. The bullet vibrator placed meticulously on his prostate was sending his head spinning, but to add something around his cock too? He was already daydreaming about how hard he is about to orgasm.

In one quick motion, you slide the entire thing down his length. His reaction is immediate; his back arches and he let out a moan. “There ya go,” You hum, “You like that, don't you baby?”

You don’t ease into it, knowing he will complain if you do. So, instead you set a ruthless pace and Kamari already feels himself begin to drool. His eyes roll back and he begins to hump into the toy, not caring that his hips were basically strapped down into the chair. “Y-Yeah. Can you…Vibrator?”

You smile at the boy, nodding to him before reaching over and clicking the button onto the highest setting. He groans out, a lazy smile plastered on his face. “Fuck yeah. Fuck, this is heaven, ‘s got to be.”

You scoff at him, trying not to roll your eyes. He was always the dramatic type, trying to find the most creative ways to show his love for what you do to him. It was cute though, so you didn’t mind too much.

His hips continue to buck into the fleshlight, and his ass lifts slightly up the chair, going against the binds to try and reach it better. The vibrator in him makes a loud buzzing noise and every once in awhile he stops his desperate humping to try and push back into it.

The noises he let's out are loud, high in pitch, as if he was trying to tell everyone around him how good he was feeling. It makes you wonder if you want to put a gag on him, but be always gets so pouty after you do, and you didn't know if you want to deal with that. So, you let the neighbors hear his cries — it was better than the annoying sound of the vibrator, to you and Denki at least.

Eventually his hips start to thrust up too high, and the rope begins to rub against his thigh. He was going to hurt himself at this rate, and that's the last thing you guys needed. You rest your hands on his thigh, pushing him down against the chair. “Kaminari, relax, it's not going anywhere. You don't gotta chase the toy.”

He shakes his head, continuing to try and buck upward. His eyes are furrowed shut and his face is contorted in a frown. “Can't help it. Love it, s-so much!”

You yank the toy away and Denki lets out a noise akin to a puppy yelping in pain, which causes you to roll your eyes. “No. Please no! I'm sorry I'm sorry ill relax. Don't take it away, I can't cum without it! I'll be good, a good boy for you I promise!”

Your face heats up at his lewd words and you pause for a second. His cock twitches from the coolness of the air, and you watch as a glob of pre drops onto the chair. He whines, and squirms in his confinement.

Then, you gulp and sigh, rubbing your hands on his thighs that are trying their best to stay planted on the chair. “It's alright, I'm not stopping,” you murmur, sliding the fleshlight onto his cock with a satisfying squelch. He cries out, and the noise loudness of the sound startled you. Your eyes flicker to his now glassy ones. “Fuck, Kaminari, you sound straight up out of a bad porno, you know that?” You say, breathless, and fixed solely on his face.

Sweat beads at his temples, and his lip trembles. His cheeks flush red and he shakes his head back and forth. The pale legs tremble in his seat but he doesn't buck upward, instead waiting for you to cover his cock. It's agonizing to him, and he wants nothing more than to fuck it, but he remains seated, instead choosing to push himself back into the bullet vibrator.

Your hands reach up to play with the chain and Kaminari let’s out a hiss, but doesn’t oppose it. The nipples have become slightly swollen from the clamp, and it causes you to frown. “Poor thing, look how red they are.”

A meek grin pulls at his face. “Y-You like it though, yeah?”

“I do. They are so cute like this,” You nod, slightly pulling on the metal, and tearing another whimper from his mouth. Your hand continues their quick motions and his moans begin to get louder. His hips begin to buck up again.

“Kaminari,” You warn sharply and he immediately presses his ass back into the chair with a short apology. You place your hand onto his face, your own apology, but for the harshness of your tone. He nuzzles into it, rubbing his cheek into your palm. “Good boy.”

He nods his head, buzzing at the praise. Drool begins to bead at the corner of his lips, and his eyes begin to get cloudy. He finds himself chanting out curse words and melting into the chair. With every stroke of the toy, every sound of the liquid gliding across his dick, he feels himself inch toward his high. The blonde's hands clench and unclench, and he mewls. “I need to cum. P-Please?”

The vibrator continues to target his sweet spot and it sends him shivering, not knowing if he should focus on the buzzing sensation or the one wrapped around his cock. But, you pull on the chain again, answering his question for him. His back arches and he cries out from the pain of his nipples being tugged uncomfortably outward.

“Yeah? That was quick, little embarrassing, don’t you think babe?”

He pouts at you, and tears begin to tumble down his cheeks. “Shut up!”.

You ignore him, instead choosing to rest your cheek on his thigh, now kneeling in front of the chair, and blinking up at him.

“‘s nothing to be embarrassed bout. I think it’s cute that you last as long as a virgin,” You coo, eyes flickering to the flesh light that keeps hiding his dick from you.

Denki shakes his head from side to side, whining at you, and beginning to sniffle from the tears. “Y-You just don’t understand,” he warbles and you raise your eyebrows. “Don’t even know what to focus on. Gonna cum, I can’t. I-I—Please!”

You smile at him, standing up again and resting your arm on the back of his chair. It creates a shadow over his body, and it makes the boy feel strangely small compared to you. He doesn’t complain.

One hand continues to stroke him, and the other plays with the chain on his chest. You pause for a moment, creating an air of dramatics, and Denki let’s out a small whine in complaint. “Alright, you can cum. I guess I don’t mind.”

He nods his head eagerly, blinking up at you with wet eyes. Then, you watch his body go rigid and his face scrunch up. Denki curses out, and you wait a moment before you grab at the chain and rip it off of his nipples.

It sends a burning pain down his and entire back and the blondes eyes widen, shocked by your actions. He borderline screams and it sends a full shiver down your spine. “Ow! Ow! Fuck. Fuck. Ow!”

But it doesn’t ruin his orgasm, in fact, it may have made it stronger. The blonde cums into the fleshlight and you watch as it drips down his cock, staining it a milky shade of white. He moans are high in pitch, and they seem to echo off of the walls from how loud they are. But they were always like this when he orgasms, so you weren’t surprised by it.

It lasts about 20 seconds total, and eventually, he slumps against the chair. You turn off the vibrator quickly, not wanting to overstimulate him just yet and pull off the fleshlight. The remaining of his cum drips from the toy and onto the tip of Kaminari’s cock. He doesn’t even spare it a glance.

Instead, he looks toward you, tongue out and licking at the excess drool left behind on his lips and chin. He pulls at the restraints, but doesn’t really put any effort to get out; it was more of just a test of whether he could get out. When satisfied by the results, he nods to himself, before turning to you. He cocks his head to the side.

“Soooooooo,” He announces loud and proud, contrasting his earlier pathetic pleas. You sigh to yourself, already knowing something ridiculous is to come from the way he is grinning at you. When Denki sees you playing along, he dramatically clears his throat. “Who’s the next star on tonight’s game show?” The voice is loud, mimicking every classic game show host. “Will it be, contestant number one, the dildo? Contestant number two, the vibrating wand? Orrrrrr the fan favorite, all-time champion, most beloved—“

You hold up two items you grabbed from the box placed neck to you and cock your head to the side. “Ball gag and cock ring?”

Denki's eyes widen, and he smiles anxiously at you. He should have known that you were going to play along with his antics, and the results were never fun. His voice is higher in pitch, and his eyes never leave the items in your hand as if terrified by them.

“W-We will find out after this s-short break, folks.” You borderline pounce on him.

[mochinomnoms]

Do you think PTM!Jade would have some sort of size kink?

I’m like, hella frickin short (5’1) and Jade is a fricking MONSTER to me (in terms of height and build) and god forbid I’m gonna have to crane my neck just to look at his face 😭

But what about from Jade’s point of view?

The prefect’s a literal shrimp in size, which makes him want to capture them in his arms even more. Every time he sees them scurry around, it makes him just wanna CHOMP on their neck, lock them in his room and—

Well, ykno hehe

BUT SHDJSJXJS JUST THE THOUGHT OF IT IS MAKING ME BLUSH SO BAD— JADE IS JUST SO TALL AND DEVIOUS AND HEAVEN HELP ME—

shorty squad let's go!!!

I personally think that it can either go one of two ways, and it's not limited to PTM, I personally think this can be applied to Jade and the rest of the trio in general. :

First way: massive size differences in the sea are common enough that most people end up with someone at some point who is massively smaller/bigger than them. It's relatively normal so there's no real kink to develop cause it's just a matter of fact for them.

Second way: Yes lol. It's not just the size that gets to him, it's how vulnerable you are. You are so small, weak even, you need someone to protect you! He does have a bit of a prey drive around you, to be honest...he and Floyd both do around the smaller classmates on campus. But with you, it's a bit more. It's not just the vulnerability and the prey drive, but also the knowledge that you trust him to not harm you.

After all, he's not only much bigger than you, but much stronger, much sharper, and yet ever so positively in love with you. He'd never want to harm you, maybe spook you a bit with a snap of his jaws against your ear, just to see the way your chest rises as you gasp in surprise and your pupils dilate. He wants to trace his claws and see the goosebumps on your skin. He just wants to see you cry out, maybe a bit in pain and a lot in pleasure, as he tries to fit himself in you. He wants to make sure you depend solely and whole on him and him alone, as selfish as that might be.

But he deserves to be a bit selfish, doesn't he? He's always ready to serve everyone else, to be made into a wallflower, and to be seen as the ever dutiful right-hand man. But you're his, his to hold to know to clutch to his body to the point that he might mold your bodies into one to make the idea of being alone but a foreign concept. He knows how to handle something fragile. He knows how to make you feel loved and revered, and only he knows the limits to your mind and body. He's not known for being a gentle man. Polite, yes, benevolent, debatable, cunning, absolutely. But gentle? That's rare, even when comparing Jade to his brother.

He can't trust someone else to be gentle with you in the way you need, or to be just rough enough to make you scream. So, back to your question, yes, he does. He loves the size difference, because he gets to live with the fantasy of simultaneously indulging in his more sadistic and protective sides. Jade gets the privilege of you, inside and out, and he gives himself to you for the same purpose. Only you, romantic as it is exhilarating, no?

[toruro]

euphoria

genre: smut ish idk(18+ / mdni), college au, asshole seokmin ...

tags: oral (m receiving), pet names (sweetie, baby), idk. he's kinda condescending lol

w/c: 2k

a/n: @cryoculus U SENT AN ASK ABT SOMETHING LIKE THIS LIKE A YEAR AGO IM CRYING T-T i'm sosorry if this shit doesn't make sense i wrote the whole thing while high idk what happened to this .... it's a little different from what u asked but i hope u enjoy!!! also thanks to em for reading this over for me (i didn't trasnfer any of the edits she gave me because i'm lazy but it's the thought that counts <3)

[11:41 PM]

You have a feeling you're going to get an earful from your friends the next morning, but as Seokmin's warm fingers wrap around your wrist and tug you through the hall, you can hardly say you care.

It's not a big deal! You swear!

It's just ... you might have boasted about not being a victim of the thirteen heartthrobs of campus a few nights before. And ... you might be heading off to a fun, fun night, hand in hand with one of such proclaimed men.

Fuck.

It's not like you intended to end up in a bed with Seokmin tonight but also ... everyone knows Seokmin's different. Isn't he?

He's a sweet boy with a sweet smile and a sweet mouth. Girls loved him, boys loved him, professors loved him—everyone damn person on campus loved him, and maybe you kinda loved him too.

It just happened so naturally, you swear! Catching up over a beer and the blaring techno—you two were partners in one of your first labs, and you think it's just on brand for him to still remember you years later—casual pleasantries and greeting hugs soon turned into sly remarks and hot, brisk touches.

He was leading the way before you know it, out to his car and to his place and—okay, you get it! You get it! Everyone knows you aren't fond of those 13 boys but, you mean—this is Seokmin. There's no way he could be an asshole, right?

[12:05 AM]

Your skin is on fucking fire.

Pushing you against the door as soon as you get into his apartment, Seokmin's lips are on yours and you swear you're in heaven. Plump lips sucking against yours, tongues kissing in your hot mouths as his hands run all up and over you. Grabbing at your skin, massaging the soft flesh of your waist, thigh slowly slotting between yours and something inside of you just melts at the thought of what's going to happen tonight.

Because holy hell, Seokmin's a nice guy, but something about the way his fingers are firm on your skin, teeth clashing against yours as he kisses you deeply as he presses you into the door ... shit, you might just go crazy.

He's whispering in your ear—all that "tell me when to stop" stuff—and then you're nodding, tellin' him that you "need him now," and so Seokmin wastes no time before tugging you into his room. He gently pushes you toward his bed, the back of your knees hitting the mattress and crumbling against the sheets. Standing by the door, under the dim light on his nightstand, you catch the golden glow of his skin and something in your core quivers.

"You look ... really fucking hot," he says all breathy and all, walking closer to you at steadfast pace that increases along with your heartbeat.

Fuck, he's really hot. Veins all big and bulging as he gets nearer and nearer until—fuck, he's standing right in front of you. Waist right by your head, you swallow a hard but bubbling lump in your throat, glancing up at Seokmin's pretty, pretty eyes.

"G'na suck me off sweetie?" he says so kindly you might just fold in on yourself at the thought of having his dick in your mouth, and so you nod your head with your lips parted and eyes wide.

Now, there isn't really anything kind about the way he grabs your hand, placing them on the belt of his jeans as he watches you expectantly. "Well go on baby," he coos and then you realize for a moment that Seokmin might not just be as kind as he lets on but ... oh fuck, he's so damn hot when he watches you from above, dark glint in his eyes when you work your fingers through the belt.

And so in your horny haze, lust pounding in your bloodstream, you unzip his jeans and tug down the waistband and his boxers in one go. His cock slips out, all hard and glistening from the pretty beads of pre-cum that dribble over the veins, the curves of his length.

You're so distracted by the mere sight of him, his tight shirt also riding up his abs and giving you a glance at the peaks and valleys of muscle that lie beneath. Seokmin pulls you back into reality quickly when you feel something hard and sticky hit your cheek and—oh.

Fuck, you wonder when you started being turned on by such dirty things.

Your hot cunt clenches when you feel Seokmin's thick cock gently slap on your other cheek, lips finally parting and instinctively sticking your tongue out. "Finally picking up, huh ..." he mutters and you think you might cum in an instant. "There you go sweetie," Seokmin continues, wrapping his hand at the base of your cock and letting the heavy tip fall against your tongue. "You know what to do, don't you?"

It sounds like a challenge, almost. That little glint in his eye and your mind's going dizzy at just the taste of his cock. Fuck, you're going to have one hell of a night.

[08:14 AM]

Damn it.

When you open your eyes the first time this morning, you realize you're in a bed, naked, and it would all be fine if only it wasn't any bed but yours.

God-fucking-damn it.

It rings in your head as you blink awake, only to be clouded with images from the night before ... your fingers digging into the hard muscle of a tough back ... hot, sticky skin flush against each other, strings of curses flowing from your lops ... fat cock stretching you out while it's buried s'deep inside of you ... his—

Lee Seokmin.

Oh my god.

Oh my god, you just slept with Lee Seokmin.

Fuck, you're friends are never going to let you hear the end of this when they find out you had sex with Lee fucking Seokmin just the night before.

You jolt out up at the realization, frantically looking around only to find yourself alone in his room. Where the hell is he? Your mind races through all the possibilities: You know you're at his apartment but is here too? Somewhere else? There's no way he left you here alone ... right? Oh my god—did he sleep next to you? Where in the fuck is—

You throw the blanket off your body and attempt to slide off the bed to figure out what the hell is going on, but just as you do so, a pang of pain streams through your lower half.

A soft whimper escapes your lip at both the pain and the realization that Seokmin fucked you so good the night before that he's left you sore all over. God, you can't remember the last time you had a fuck this good.

Just as quickly as the thought pops into your mind, you push it away. What are you thinking?! You shouldn't be thinking like this—for fuck's sake, you told everyone that you'd never, ever sleep with one of them! Even Seokmin, despite his sunshine allegations. Should have fuckin' known he wasn't the sweetest one of the lot ... but looking back on your night, you're not sure if you cared.

After all, Seokmin was hot. Hot as hell, and—

Your thoughts are interrupted by the creak of a door. Instinctively, you grab the sheets and bunch it up close to your chest, hoping to shield your bare body from whoever walks. The first thing you see when you glance at who's walked in a familiar, chiseled jawline, and a deceivingly sweet smile.

When you take another second to glance over his figure, something in your stomach churns. He's shirtless—of-fucking-course he is—with dark se

"Morning sweetie," Seokmin sings, and you swear you hear a tinge of that mean, mean voice you heard last night. He walks in with a glass of water, and you don't say anything as he walks over to the side of the bed you're on. You clutch the sheets closer to your chest, and you swear you hear him chuckle softly. "I've seen you in much less pretty—not sure why you're hiding now."

Your cheeks burn at the statement, and you break eye contact, unsure of what to say. "I ... I—whatever. I should probably head out," you say softly, eyes stuck on the ground as you reach for your panties that somehow ended up on the ground overnight.

You feel Seokmin's gaze on you as he walks over, holding his arm out to you. You don't move, and he rolls his eyes.

"C'mon, take the drink," he urges you, holding the glass closer to your lips. You narrow your eyes at him. "It's just water," he chuckles. "You know you want some."

Huffing, you open your mouth, eyes locking with Seokmin's. You're challenging him before you even realize it. You never took him as the confrontational type, but with some unknown buzz coursing through your veins, something inside you wants to see what'll happen when you push his buttons.

Something tugs at the edge of Seokmin's lips. You swear it's a smirk, as he holds the glass to your lips, tipping it slightly so the water meets your mouth. Slowly, you drink as he feeds you, and all is normal until he tilts it a little to high and—

"Oh—oh oops," Seokmin coos when you glance down, water spilling all over your collarbone and slipping under the fabric of his duvet that covers your chest. A few drops dribble past the corner of your lips and off your chin as you glare at him when he pulls the glass away. "You're gonna have to clean up the mess you made, you know?"

You scoff, hugging the cover closer to your chest. "You mean the mess you made," you shoot back, slightly cringing at the feeling of wet cloth against your skin. Seokmin's closer to you now, and you're trying to not let it get to you.

His hips are positioned close to your head, bare abdomen right in your direct line of sight, and you swear there's a tent in his pants but you also swear that you're trying not to look but—

"C'mon, you know you wanna," Seokmin tells you, and suddenly his hand is on your chin, tilting your head up to look you in the eye.

"Wanna what?" you retort.

"Stop playin' hard to get sweetie," Seokmin scoffs, and you hate the way you feel a gush between your legs. "You know you want me to clean you up."

"I don't know what you're talking abo—"

You cut yourself off with a small gasp of surprise when Seokmin drops to his knees by the edge of the bed next to you, positioning himself right by your legs. His face is close to your covered chest now, but almost instinctively, you loosen your grip on the duvet. Seokmin notices, and smirks.

"There we go," he hums, fingers tracing over the figure of your body as he scoots closer. He inches his face closer to your neck, nose brushing of your collarbone making you shudder. "Drop the act baby ... we both know there's a reason your still here."

You contemplate the different ways that this moment can go down, but all of them end with the same vision: hot, heavy, wet, and—

"Please," you whimper, spreading your legs over the edge of the bed so Seokmin can place himself right between them. "Please," the words escape your lips again, even more desperate than the first.

You feel Seokmin's lips curve at the sound, and all you can think about is how in the world you're going to explain this to your friends.

God fucking damnit.

[kasperbasper]

Mdni

Very Horny Sam(& Darlin) Headcanons, because I’m a slut for this man lol

Also, these are seriously outright explicit, so tread with caution.(afab/masc presenting Darlin)

CW: detailed descriptions of Kink/Intercourse and Graphic Language.

Someone else said this already but OUGH, Sam 100% calls himself Daddy when he and Darlin have sex.

"That's right baby, suck Daddy's cock."  "Fuck Darlin, you like when Daddy moves like that?”

His favorite position is missionary, which is pretty vanilla, but it's because he likes to see Darlin come undone under him, to watch someone so strong lose themselves in the pleasure he provides.

He also likes 69-ing, but mostly as foreplay.

Going by the way he talks in his first BA, "God if it doesn't feel good to use you", Sam has a Filthy Mouth. 

Darlin has absolutely asked him to call them names (whore, slut, bitch, etc.) and while he doesn't like to demean them, even in Play, they'll slip out when he's particularly into it. 

“Fuck... yeah, baby, such a good little slut for me, huh?”

Darlin has a bad habit of wearing very little around the house, which is a problem, considering the tiny little shorts they like to wear make Sam's pants feel far too tight when he catches a glimpse out of the corner of his eye. It’s even worse if they decide to wear lingerie.

Sam has a thing for Darlin’s throat, he likes to Bite, Kiss, Suck, and leave marks all over it. There are very few occasions that Darlin doesn't have at least one hickey in an obvious place. 

POSSESSIVE. He needs everyone in the world to know that Darlin is his and he’s theirs. Because of this, even though he wasn't really one for PDA before meeting them, he’s always all over Darlin, even in public. 

Real touchy when he’s in the mood, he’ll sometimes just rest his hand on Darlin’s ass and squeeze to let them know he’s down.

An ass man, to be sure. Aside from all the fuel Erik gives us, when they’re fucking Sam will almost always have at least one hand on Darlin’s ass. 

Sam loves pussy, especially Darlin’s. He likes to touch it, to eat it, fuck it, something about the way the juices coat his fingers, or face, or cock, drives him fucking insane. (The same would go for sucking cock tbh, hearing his partner come apart above him does things to him that he can't explain.)

He got Darlin to squirt once, and secretly, he’s hoped for it every time since.

Darlin has a really sensitive chest, and Sam is sure to give it plenty of attention, he’s even gotten them to cum from just nipple stimulation before.

Vampires are sterile, which is good because both he and Darlin like it when he comes inside. Seeing it leak out of them makes it real hard not to clean them up with his mouth. And usually, he will.

Vampires have inhuman stamina, sure, but that extends to the bedroom. Sam can fuck Darlin for hours before he has to take a break. 

When testing the limits, they discovered that twelve straight hours of sex is not only possible but turns Darlin into a moaning, cockdrunk, mess. At which point Sam has to physically restrain himself, for their sake. They still don't know how long he can go.

Darlin loves sucking him off, and Sam is glad for it because their throat is heaven on earth.

To that end: Darlin lets Sam fuck their throat frequently, and almost always comes just from hearing him moan. 

VOCAL. Sam's a talker, he can't shut up in the throes of passion, he's always talking about how fucking sexy Darlin is, or how good they feel around him. He'll get real descriptive too, outright narrating his actions because he knows it drives Darlin crazy.

While not into proper erotic asphyxiation, Darlin likes Sam's hand on their throat, and he is more than happy to oblige. 

Sam's got girth, he's not small mind you, but he's damn thick too. 

Think 7" in length 5.5" in circumference.

Sam doesn't have many kinks really, but one time Darlin got him to agree to being blindfolded, and he came three times in twenty minutes. 

Adding to that idea: Sam's a whiner when overstimulated, to the point where he can hardly string together words, it feels so good. 

Sometimes when they're feeling more dominant, Darlin will tease him with orgasm delay. Sam will be panting and moaning and begging Darlin to “just fuckin' move already”, and they'll just languidly roll their hips while he's buried to the hilt inside them.

We know canonically that Darlin's blood drives him wild, but Darlin's response to being bitten is 10x worse, they came untouched, the first time Sam bit them.

Sigh. This man has made me into a naught but a simple whore, just by speaking. What have I become? I need him in me. I mean what.

[sugar-omi]

Can I request some HC about Cove and cockwarming 👀

omfg yes you can

NSFW, gn reader, step 3 + 4 + DILF ! cove, multiple scenarios, prbly ooc bc dilf!cove is a menance over here ok, prbly ooc step 4 cove too but ion care imma babygirl him ‼️‼️

STEP 3 COVE

you can't expect an 18 year old to be normal or calm abt it

he's all whiny and tense

you're only on his dick long enough to adjust. both of you clinging onto each other and panting, tryna get used to such an intense feeling

you can try teasing him by cockwarming, but it really won't work

begs you to move, uses those big blues to try and sway you

will probably cry if you keep swirling your hips or clenching around him, he can't help but fall over the edge and lose his patience

doesnt matter if you you hold on long enough or are swayed by cove's sweet begging

but now it's your turn for your head to spin because cove thrusts up into you, holding you and hiding his face in your neck

I love the idea of him getting caught up in the moment again and flipping you over on your back and thrusting into you...

makes you finish first because I think he's totally obsessed with watching you finish, especially when you finish around him

STEP 4 COVE

you still can't expect him to be normal

but fuck does he love it

ik I haven't included switch cove n any of the other 2 scenarios (writing this bit last, yes I write backwards)

but I gotta tell you man...

he loves it sm

doesn't matter if it's a strap, loves cockwarming you

mmm, going throughout the day, splitting him open on your cock during different times of the day

please do ask him to stop doing a chore to sit in your lap, he's so weak rn

fuck, come up behind him n just slip in while he's washing dishes, he's in heaven rn

the whole day he's hard, ruined his pants w pre bc he's been in pieces the whole day

by the time you finally fuck him, he's in tears n so happy n pleased

also dies of happiness a bit when you cockwarm him

jfc doing it in the morning. or before bed, while you sleep...

is so turned on by this, sometimes he just can't do it and you'll wake up to cove squirming, apologizing but begging to fuck, begging to cum..

if he makes it through the whole night though... gets the pleasant scene of seeing you on too of him, grinding on his lap n telling him you should hurry up n finish before work<33

fuck imagine teasing him the same way dilf cove does (so spoilers lol)

n having him in your lap or you're in his, and you're tryna watch a show n you're moving your hips..

grinding on him, thrusting up into him..

either way he couldn't hold on, n now you have HIM on the coffee table or laid out on the couch, heart eyes while watching you take him while on top 🫶🫶

he's in love actually

DILF COVE

oh he does it for fun

this is a sport to him

how long can you sit on his cock until you either whine n beg, or you need to get back to the rest of the world

fuck, if you don't have kids or they're grown. he'll do it while you guys sleep<3

anyway🙈

this is almost like a punishment, n like I said, it's entirely for his entertainment n he'll fucking do it while he's watching TV or on the computer

will twist your nipple or rub your sex

kisses your sensitive neck or pushes your hips down

"sorry baby, I was grabbing a pen"

although at some point he'll surprise you by languishingly fucking you. his cock dragging against your walls...

it's so slow n such a tease n it's just enough to keep your stomach burning

omfg cockwarming while he plays a game or watches a show...

you're tryna watch this movie, but you're only half way paying attention if at all because of cove

it's a romance, or some shitty action movie with too many unnecessary sex scenes

every time the characters make out, kissing n groping each other

he's grabbing at you, groping your chest, teasingly stroking your sex, kissing you breathless..

and every sexy scenergy he thrusts up into you, holding your hips down while you cling onto his arms that are wrapped around your waist

either it ends in neither of you cumming, successfully edging yourselves until the end of the movie

or you bent over the coffee table or with your legs up, buried in the corner of the couch as cove works you both through one or two orgasms <33

just the sexual tension alone turns him on, will happily go all day, splitting you on his cock n then going about your day without cumming

fuck, he'll do it before work and then at dinner.. his younger self would've choked and died at just the thought

tells you you look so pretty cumming for him, also tells you some nasty shit like he's so pent up n can't wait to fuck you, can't wait to finish inside you

tells you he's been thinking abt it all day...

pls dilf cove so good n yet so bad for our hearts... 🫣

[hellsslibrary]

Do you write twst and with a man mc? this is heaven, damn it. Is it okay to ask headcanons about householders and just their tastes in sex anyway? just regular headcanons about their sex🧕🏽👁💋

❀Headcannons about sex and preferences in it with housewardens❀

DNI: minors.

!!Warnings: praise, humiliation, worship(Vil), semi-public sex, oral sex, size difference kink, pet play, strangulation, sex toys, teasing, pulling hair, horns and tails, marking, masochism and sadism, sub/dom reader ( Vil, Malleus and Leona), overexcitement, chest play.

Riddle.

So... Switch with sub lean. Although he still loves being a dom, of course. I think that being a dominant is more comfortable for him, given his desire to be "perfect".

But in most situations he is still a sub, lol, or rather almost always. He is a virgin and I am just sure that he adheres to the idea like "My first and last sex will be with the very one partner I will be with for the rest of my days."

Soft/hard dominant or whiny sub. His mood for soft/hard just changes depending on his day, as well as his and/or your preferences (Although I suppose he prefers soft). But when he's a sub... It just happens at times when he wants comfort, affection and praise (almost always, lol)... Well, or at times when you want him to be a sub, of course.

He loves total control, no matter from your side or his. He finds something comforting in finally being the one in control or being controlled by the person he loves and trusts and who doesn't want anything bad for him.

Hence, the fact follows that he probably likes pet play. Well, really, what could be more relaxing than just being a master/pet for a loved one? However, I think he only likes an easy game of pet play. Something like leashes, collars, light commands regarding your/his animal, and so on. If you want to move the pet play to a more hard mode, he will have to be persuaded for a long time, if he agrees at all, of course.

Kink for praise... Do I even have to say such an obvious fact? He had been waiting for praise all his life, and received only reproaches. He wants you to praise him, tell him how good you feel because of his actions or words, wants to be recognized.

But also, if you have a kink for praise, then you are very lucky. Riddle more than willing to praise you if you're a good boy. He will shower you with praises, which, by the way, you love the most. That is, do you like it when your body or its individual parts are praised? Sure. Your character? Sure. Your actions or words? Uniquely.

Hm... When you go to a later (much later, lol) level of relationship and if you have a certain passion for boys in some suits or costumes, then maybe he will wear something for you, and only for you.

If you are by nature a very dominant person, but you easily give Riddle power, by the way, he appreciates it very much. But... You know, Riddle loves that dominant side of you. It's just so hot for him.

Especially, he loves it if at such a moment there is a mixture of rough pace or maybe some kind of pain game (although very minimal, this is not what Riddle likes) and praise. He loves how you fuck him roughly, but at the same time you praise him.

Although he's still a fan of gentle and slow sex, he's the prince of pillows, I suppose.

He will want to try everything with you that you want and offer at least once (something other than something very extreme and disgusting for him).

He cries a lot during sex, you can't change my mind. It's all so new to him, all these feelings, words, actions, touches... He is so happy, but it's all so unusual in a good way that he just can't stand it and these transparent droplets start pouring down his crimson cheeks.

Although he is quiet at first in bed. I suppose it all starts with a very quiet one, where you can only hear sighs, well, at most a quiet and short moan. And he ends up with loud moans and whining.

He will never agree to some kind of semi-public sex or any manifestation of it. He just hates it, he needs to keep his mask of a strict, diligent and perfect student. If someone finds out what he's like in the bedroom... no.

Although he doesn't mind a little teasing, but nothing more, buddy. :)

Kink on the difference in size... Well, really. He's literally 160cm/5'3, personally I'm almost 40cm/16 inches taller than him, he's so small, lol. Even if you are shorter than him or the same height as him, it will be very easy to awaken this kink, just say something like "your little body looks so fragile and small, Riddle..." and, fuck, he's yours.

Leona.

........ Well...... Dominant? Isn't this obvious? Although he is too lazy for this shit, so he will let you be the dominant if he does not have to do anything (although if you do order him, he will not be able to refuse).

He is just a pillow prince who will require you to do this or that, do this or that and so on.

Well, well, his ears and tail are obviously sensitive (I literally read about 8 articles on lions for the sake of this point, ahem). So pull his tail when you fuck him, he will moan like the last whore... Well, if you gently bite his ear or rub them, he will purr like a kitten. :3

Very possessive and possessive behavior (not a yandere though). It’s just that his animal nature simply won’t allow anyone to approach you. He will literally growl at anyone, even Crowley, damn it.

Which brings us to the next point - hickeys and bites, in general, marks. He fucking loves your marks on his body. It doesn't matter your teeth, lips, hands or something else. But even more, he loves HIS marks on YOUR (ahem, his, ahem) body... Just the sight of his hickeys, bites, scratches, bruises and marks on your body awakens in him his usual lion's pride.

You will take him where he wants and when he wants, this is not discussed (well, of course, public sex will not be your body only for his eyes, but semi-public - yes).

Kink for breeding. This is generally an obvious thing that many see and understand. He, excuse me, is literally an animal, especially a lion. Of course, he has something like a mating season. And in general, he is turned on by the idea that you might force him to become pregnant with your children / puppies.

He's a masochist, you won't argue with me. He loves when you take the initiative and power into your own hands (although he will never admit it, he is too proud for this). So choke him a little, slap, pinch, pull, bite and so on, he will like it.

But also, if you have any masochistic tendencies, he will gladly do the same with you. :p

He loves oral sex. Although he prefers when you do it to him, but if you ask him, he will not refuse, and on some days he may even do it himself. But I digress.

He loves your mouth, tongue and lips on his cock, the way you swallow his cock or tease him by licking his shaft all this hot.

Or rimming. He also loves your tongue in his hole when you greedily eat and lick it, which is why he squeezes your face with his hips.

He is quiet during sex, which is not surprising. The most that can be heard from him is low, hoarse groans or growls.

Although, if you can get him to cry from overexcitation or something, he will moan like a little girl.

Has a huge sex drive. He can fuck for a long, disastrously long time and not get tired of it. If you are like that too, then great, congratulations! But if not... Hehe.

He loves to tease you, no matter how. Does it rub against you in certain places, is it too active or something like that? Does he text you some perverted nonsense, send you a dirty voicemail or call, or even send you naked pictures of him? Does he walk in front of you in open clothes or without it at all? Does he twirl in front of your face certain parts of the body that you consider sexy? I could go on and on, but you get the idea.

He has sensitive nipples, by the way. He loves when you gently nibble, suck and lick his nipples. He always growls softly in response to this.

Azul.

He is a sub. What? Do you dare to argue with me? Nope. He is a submissive sub, let me dream, please. And he's also a virgin. (Maybe the contract would require him to give someone his virginity, hmm??? Give me that contract pl—)

Okay, my simp mood is over, although it will continue doubly on Malleus and Vil, so let's continue.

Surprisingly, he loves rough sex and the rougher aspects of masochism like spanking and even knife play. Has a high limit to pain, but a very low limit to falling into subspace, so be careful with that.

Kink to praise!! Drown out his self-doubt with tons of praise for him, millions of tons!! He will start crying for joy, really.

Although, also surprisingly, he has a kink of humiliation and/or insult. Something that shows or says that he is inferior to you in every sense and he is just a toy in your hands (although he must understand that you are saying this only for his and your pleasure and you are not serious).

He's... Loud. Not too loud, but I think he's the most vocal of the dorm leaders for sure. So, sometimes it's better to muffle his mouth if you don't want spectators (which he obviously doesn't want).

He is very sensitive. Therefore, he does not like teasing, he just starts to cry (from pleasure, of course, but still). So be careful with teasing or you'll bring tears to the poor little octopus. :(

Sex in the water, on the beach, in the bathroom or something like that. He's just more comfortable in his environment, so if you want to fuck the most relaxed Azul, fuck him in the water (Maybe with good luck or bad luck, depending on your fetishes, he'll even show his true form).

He is absolutely against you putting marks on him in a conspicuous place that cannot be hidden. He doesn't mind if anyone sees it. He objects if the twins see this and utter chaos ensues.

Random thought, by the way. Do you know these erotic moments during sex, when the heroes are fucking and one takes the glasses from the other, putting them on? So... Azul would have obviously liked it, he would have blushed at this, but then he would have laughed, playfully demanding the return of his glasses.

His hands are magical, in both senses of the word, obviously. Let's not talk about magic, let's just talk about handjob. Damn it, his hands will never match yours, I'm sure. His small, long and nimble fingers will know exactly what pace to work, where to tighten his grip a little, where your shaft is most sensitive and so on. (For trans boys it works exactly the same ;) ).

Definitely the most playful person before sex, I'm serious. He will be red as a newly blossomed rose, but will continue to say whatever he wants despite his own embarrassment, and then turn into a real sensitive water lily.

Semi-public sex, yes. He's a busy man, after all. His deals, shifts at the restaurant, college, twins, and so on. So sex in places where you can be seen or heard in general is a fairly frequent guest.

And another random thought. You know those moments where someone is sitting under a table giving oral sex to another person? So... If you try to do something like that to Azul, he will obviously be red as a tomato, but surprisingly he will keep almost the same voice, only occasionally stuttering and pausing.

I'm guessing his contracts might have given him a "you have to pay for everything" outlook on life (although he probably doesn't always go by that, obviously, almost never, to be exact), but for you...

For example, take him to a cafe and feed him his favorite fried tofu and you might be in for a surprise depending on your tastes. :)))

He has a fetish for sex when you're engaged or married, seriously. He finds something so hot that he can call you his husband and himself your husband (or wife, if you prefer) ... Your wedding night will clearly be one of your best lovemaking.

Kalim.

My innocent sunny, he is a virgin who is ready for anything! You will never find someone who is willing to please you more than he is.

Which brings us to the point that he is a sub. Like, really, he likes to please you, so he will gladly obey any of your orders and requests. (And will also become dominant if you wish, but he himself is unlikely to come to such a decision)

He will definitely dance these Arabic dances for you, like belly dancing. Well, eventually... Imagine him in this costume for such dances, dancing for you with his sweetest smile and the way he moves smoothly right to the beat of the music... Bellisismo.

An unambiguous kink on the difference in size. Like he's so small and fragile, just such a miracle. Even if you are the same height or size as him, or even lower... Well, hope you at least have a big ego, lol.

He just gets excited about the size difference when he sees your big body towering over him or, for example, your big hands sliding over his tanned body, he just wants to explode with excitement and love for you!

He is definitely a fan of playful and loving sex, no matter rough or gentle. I just think that fucking seriously is not for him, but he will not arrange a circus, of course. He just likes to make a joke here or there to look at your smile and hear your laugh and won't mind if you want it too.

Sex on the magic carpet... I do not know, the fan fiction that I read as a child about Aladdin and Jasmine is too entrenched in my memory, I guess. So imagine you are flying on this carpet plane, and here you are fucking on it while he is trying to grab this carpet, but remembers that he can't, otherwise you will fall or crash into something. Extreme? I agree, but it's good! (Well, if you want to die, of course)

He loves riding you. Like... He finds it funny and he's always happy to do it. He finds something very attractive in this position, squeezing your chest and your abs/stomach while he rides your cock with a satisfied smile.

He loves to kiss! And it doesn't matter where. Lips, cheeks, nose, forehead, neck, chest, stomach, legs, arms, and more intimate parts. He just loves playful kisses or passionate kisses, it's so cute that you can exchange your germs and saliva with each other!

If you have a kink for praise, then bravo, you hit the jackpot. This boy is ready to praise you for everything! He loves to compliment you, especially if he can see your smile, blush or something else.

But if you like to give praise... Then please! He also loves receiving it, as well as giving it, he will blush and giggle sweetly, saying something like "Thank you, but I'm sure you're better."

Also copes very well with getting humiliated. He will gladly accept from you some humiliating nicknames or some small humiliating things, but do not go beyond his limits too much, he is sensitive to this and there is a fine line that separates it.

I want to fuck him only in his huge sweatshirt from his school uniform, so now you too. He would whine so sweetly, his body is kind of covered, but he understands that you can see every part of him even through this jacket and... yeah.

And another strange thought (Kind of foot fetish!!! Yes, I am a vile person in some way, what you expected). You know this tradition in Islam about washing your spouse's feet, right? And so... I saw the art where Jamil washed Kalim's feet and... fuck, now I want to too. Pour this water with rose petals on his feet and wash them with water until he relaxes and giggles from a light tickling on his feet...

Vil.

Well, I do not know. I can regard him as either a power bottom or a bratty sub. No other options are given, in any case, he behaves like a complete bitch. It just depends on what you like or from his mood.

Kink for praise. Or rather worship, given that his ego is higher than the Burj Khalifa ... But he just melts from any of your compliments, and even more so worship, although he still makes that bitch face and says something like "I already I know, of course I'm the most beautiful in the world, but thank you, you ... You are beautiful too".

He is both a sadist and a masochist at the same time. It all depends on whether he is power bottom or bratty sub. But consider both options for you perverts.

His sadistic side is obvious and strong considering he is written in the image of the Evil Queen. He will treat you like the last toy and whore, enjoying your suffering and tears, while you are obliged to worship him and you are obliged to understand that even a hair on his head is not worth you.

Or maybe his masochistic side. I doubt he'd settle for something that leaves scars or bruises or anything, considering he's supposed to be perfect, but if you torture him enough and end up leaving some sort of mark, he won't object later. He enjoys more verbal or painless masochism. Get him on his knees and stand over him, saying what a pathetic whore he is for you, although everyone considers him an ideal and lightly step on his cock and you will see how the precum flows down his tip~.

He'll put on whatever you want for you (as long as it's fashionable and doesn't look hilarious, of course). I mean... Do you want to see him in a particular outfit? He will gladly put it on, so he also shows off in front of you.

He loves to sit on your lap. Even if he is heavy for you (although if you literally die under his weight, then he will sit between your legs), he will still sit on your lap. After all, every queen needs his throne, so do your part, you pathetic pervert.

He loves sensory deprivation! It doesn't matter who takes and who gives (although he obviously loves to receive)... It's just that aggravation of feeling when he is blindfolded, maybe his ears are closed and he is tied up, and you can do anything with him, and he doesn't even know what just too exciting for him...

Maybe... Someday you both record homemade porn with the calculation of Vil that, given its popularity, it will collect a lot of views, likes and so on. But in the end, this video will only be left to you both, because "I look too disheveled, and sweat is running down my body and my makeup is slightly ruined ... No, I don't want anyone to see me in in such an ugly state... Except for you." He obviously looks sexy though, damn.

He loves to hickey and bite you, I guess he's quite a possessive person, so mark his property as he always loves it. But! He won't let you put hickeys and bites on him because his skin has to be perfect, but maybe... Only in hidden places he will agree.

Fuck him on his cosmetic table. Bend him over this table, put him j on the table, it doesn't matter at all. Especially if you do it unexpectedly. He'll just yell at you, but eventually give in to the sensations and maybe even ask you to do it again in the future.

Damn, he will adore if you are stronger than him! He's already a damn strong boy, but if there's anyone out there who's stronger than him... Damn, he can already feel himself hardening. There is something hot for him that there is someone, much less his boyfriend, who can beat him in physical strength.

Sooner or later you will use one of the Vil potions in the bedroom. For example, something that enhances sensations, increases endurance, or something like that. He'll just want to try it and if you try it once you won't get away with it, he'll love it too much.

And again, a random thought in the end. Sex in front of a mirror! Well, yes, exactly that mirror "Mirror, tell me who is the most beautiful in the world." He will look at himself in the mirror with an absolutely fucked up expression and the way he desperately tries to grab onto the smooth surface of the mirror would look funny, I guess hehe.

Idia.

He is... Sub... Sorry, I can't see him as dominant at all. He is also a virgin, but with a lot of mental experience from watching hentai and reading.

So... Kink to the praise, which is obvious. Praise him, he fucking deserves it, and sexually and non-sexually, he's a good boy, so...

He is very loud, but most of the time he drowns out his moans because he thinks that someone will hear you and it would be so embarrassing for him! But you can ask him to moan for you, he will not refuse.

He has a lot of toys, I don't know why I think so, but for a man like him, I guess that's normal. And someday he will show them to you and... Let you do whatever you want with his huge collection of all sorts of different sex toys.

He is damn sensitive, every touch you make makes him burn in the literal and figurative sense. So it's very easy to overexcite him and even easier to make him cry from all these pleasant and mind-blowing sensations.

He is a pervert. Yes. And I guess he has a lot of weird kinks (I guess you kind of know what kinks I'm talking about, hehe). And he may even offer you something from his list, if he is convinced that it is somehow not disgusting to you.

Asphyxia. He loves choking, it makes him burn with excitement as soon as he feels your hand or something else squeezing his neck. He can come from this feeling alone.

You know, there are VR games with a sexual theme... And someday you will try it with him. Both of you won't feel anything, but you will both see everything and it will make him perhaps even squeal with embarrassment.

He loves to send you messages with some naked photos, sexy videos or voice messages with his moans. Even though he does it through embarrassment and throws his phone away right after, it's still his way of saying he wants something.

I have a strange urge to pull on his hair even though I'm aware that I might be left without an arm after that, but damn... I wonder how his fiery hair feels to the touch. So! Pull his hair (in some kind of fireproof gloves lol), he is moans so sexy from this...

He loves to give oral sex even if he is afraid of hurting you with his sharp teeth. It's just the feeling of his lips, mouth and throat tightening around your cock... He's ready to come from that feeling alone (although he's ready to come from just about anything).

He loves teasing in public. He will blush madly and mumble something under his breath when, for example, in a lesson you start rubbing him through his trousers or even get into his trousers and start playing with him. Or even that thing with vibrators in public, hehe ;).

Mmm, take him during one of his game matches, especially if it has voice chat. He will try so hard to be quiet and focus on the game, but your movements and touches are so exciting that he will just give up and give himself to you.

Role-playing! Do you have an idea that you would like to implement? He is all for it! And... He will also offer you some idea from some work that he has read or watched.

He has a strange fetish for your palms and fingers. And it doesn't matter what they are, small or large, smooth or calloused, and so on. He loves them anyway. The way your fingers slide over his body, rubbing his cock, fingering his ass, or the way your fingers play with his tongue... He's so whimpering, feeling and seeing it all.

And a random last thought... He draws porn or hentai or erotic drawings of you. And if you ever find that damn well-hidden sketchbook... He'll be so blushing and embarrassed! But then maybe he will offer you to make one of his drawings!

Malleus.

So... He's clearly one of the few who has any experience, even if it's just some regular vanilla sex. He's a submissive-leaning switch I guess, but he can also become a chic dominant if you so desire.

Pull his horns! They are very sensitive, especially at the obvious place where they connect to his head. He will moan so beautifully and sexually at this that you will think that you are in paradise.

It has a kink to the size difference. And you might say that Alain is crazy and talking nonsense, because Mal Mal is huge, but I'm taller than Malleus by an inch (!!!!!!!), so let's continue. He loves if you are the same height as him or slightly shorter than him or even taller. It really turns him on, like he's so huge and he probably hasn't seen anyone taller or bigger than him and voila. But if you are still some kind of very low people, you can just hang over his body, okay? This will work too.

Kink for feminization??? Like he is so strong and majestic Malleus Draconia and here he is sitting in front of you in some cute girly clothes, and you tell him that he is just beautiful, which makes him blush.

He has a huge tolerance for pain (I read somewhere that dragons have it). So if you are some kind of sadist or just love rough sex, then he is all yours, he loves that too.

Mhm... Shibari. Like imagine a shibari-style Malleus tied up with some kind of green or black ropes and gosh...

He's not the type to be embarrassed at all. Yes, he will blush, but do not be embarrassed. I guess getting him to be sexually embarrassed is something very difficult. So he's actually shameless, but within limits, of course.

Sex in hot springs. I saw an art with Malleus where he was lying in hot springs and damn, I can't get rid of the thought that I want to fuck him there. Like his chic and muscular body lying in hot water and this smirk of his when he notices how your gaze slides over his body and he kind of pretendedly innocently spreads his legs, chuckling... And... 😭.

He loves to tease you, yes. It doesn't matter, by the way, where, how and when. He just likes to push you to the limit so that you end up dragging him somewhere more secluded and taking him there.

He loves everything clichéd romantic! Like, you know, candles, rose petals, satin or silk linens and underwear on a person, muffled whispers and all that.

Mmm, tug on his tail during sex, he's about as sensitive as his horns, so he'll grab onto the sheets hard, arching his back with a wonderful and delicious moan of pleasure.

He loves if you leave hickeys and bites on him, no matter where you leave them, he loves them anyway! And, absolutely not shy, will demonstrate them.

And he himself loves to leave marks on your body from his long black nails. He loves to run his finger over your scratches from his nails and apologize for it.

He sometimes likes to have just ordinary, vanilla sex, where you enjoy each other, taking your time and praising each other, gently showing each other your love.

Somnophilia? He's the prototype of Maleficent, so... I don't know. Just the sight of your sleeping, peaceful face turns him on and if you let him do anything to you while you sleep, he will immediately jump on your cock with pleasure or he will give you oral sex, depending on his desires.

Fucking hair pulling kink. He loves it when you wrap his hair around your fist and pull it while you move roughly and abruptly in him.

He fucking loves it when you give him oral sex. Especially when you do it unexpectedly. For example, he is just reading a book and then he feels you take off his pants and start licking his cock or his ass and he will look at you in bewilderment, but then he will laugh quietly, stroking your head, allowing you to continue your business.

And the last thought in the end, as always. His tongue... Like a snake, but longer and thicker... And you can do what you want with this information. Your fingers, genitals, your own tongue and other parts of your body will be in heaven, as will you.

[vidavalor]

Why do you think Crowley didn't just get another apartment?

Hi! Thanks for the ask. I have French buttercream chocolate cake tonight. I know, right? It's amazing. *cuts you a slice*

To answer your question, I think we have to look at the whole thing with where Crowley parks The Bentley and when (in both seasons) and, also, the scenes that emphasize Crowley and Aziraphale avoiding being seen together anywhere in the mornings and what all this has to do with what he says is his living situation in S2.

Meta on Crowley "living in his car" in S2 under the cut.

For Crowley and Aziraphale, what has always been what *absolutely cannot happen* is Heaven/Hell figuring out that Crowley will stay in the bookshop until very, very late into the evening, as that is the one thing they'd have trouble justifying. If Crowley parked The Bentley in front of the bookshop in the afternoon/evening and it was still there at 7am the next morning, it would send a message to anyone watching that their relationship isn't just intelligence business, it's not just friendship...and it's not even really just sex. If Heaven/Hell saw The Bentley outside the bookshop all night often enough, they would assume that Crowley and Aziraphale are in a romantic relationship and this is the one thing that Crowley and Aziraphale do not want them to figure out. They can hatch a wild plan if they get caught to justify any of the rest of it and maybe get away with it but there's no way out if they get caught out being in love when they're supposed to be sworn enemies... so, if they want to spend time alone together in the privacy of the bookshop, how do they work around the problem of potentially being noticed? The show actually showed us subtly in S1 before a little more overtly in S2.

When Crowley is going to come over for awhile-- and especially when it's going to mean that he's there into the evening-- he doesn't park The Bentley in front of the bookshop. He parks it in the vicinity but not too close-- around where it was when Aziraphale called him in 2.01. Two or so minutes' drive out, on a side street. (A two minute drive is a 15 or so minute walk so not that far but a bit away.) If he's coming to the shop alone, he'll probably use the side entrance to the bookshop but if he's been out with Aziraphale-- like he was in their 'fuck everything, the world is ending' lunch at The Ritz in 2008-- they'll walk back to the bookshop. If anyone notices Crowley entering it, it'll be during the day, right? While not ideal, it's innocuous enough. Aziraphale's bookshop is theoretically a business and is also an angelic embassy and Aziraphale could say that he's trying to turn Crowley to the light and make him into an informant if they were caught. Conversely, it couldn't hurt Crowley-- whose job, like Aziraphale's, is to spy on his counterpart-- to seem like he's gaming the corruptible angel and getting intel to further the demonic goals of Hell so he could say he's luring the angel to trusting him. Being in the bookshop during the day, during what are (for normal businesses lol) business hours, when the business is also an embassy, is one thing. It's the evening that's the problem for them. At that time of day, the bookshop is nothing but Aziraphale's residence and Crowley's presence during those hours becomes much riskier. So, how to get around that?

Here's them walking back to the bookshop from wherever Crowley's parked The Bentley on a side street after lunch in 2008/Eleven Years Ago in S1:

During lunch in 2008, they already planned for Crowley to come back to the bookshop with Aziraphale and since there's no plan for him to leave in any hurry, Crowley is already not parked in front of the bookshop so no one can recognize his car there late at night. This is practiced between them; they've been doing it for awhile by this point. They still are in S2, when we have several scenes of Crowley in The Bentley parked on a side street near the bookshop.

Since Crowley can't be seen then leaving the bookshop once the sun is up or it'd defeat the purpose of the car not being parked in front of it, whenever he comes over, he leaves the bookshop through the side door at some ungodly pre-dawn hour, walks to his car a few streets over (apparating into it would be suspicious to anyone who might have found it so he usually walks, looking like he was just out late causing demonic trouble), and then, in the past, would drive back to his apartment in Mayfair. That way, when the sun came up, anyone who might be watching his place would see The Bentley parked in front of it. Didn't see Crowley leave the bookshop from the afternoon? You must have missed him in a crowd on the sidewalk somewhere because there's his gorgeous, old, very recognizable car, parked in front of his place in Mayfair, gleaming in that early morning sun.

No one was ever the wiser to the fact that on some of these nights, Crowley was not home in his apartment or out raising hell all night but was actually in the bookshop nearly until dawn.

Is it kind of miserable for Crowley to have to leave every time in the middle of the night and for him and Aziraphale to never really know what it's like to wake up together? To never get to have breakfast and mornings together? Of course. But it keeps them safe so they deal with it. As a result, though, they have a thing about mornings.

In 1.01, when Crowley calls Aziraphale in the middle of the night and they both have separately learned of Armageddon, he tells Aziraphale that they "need to talk" and then they both, without further discussion, are at their bench in St. James' Park the next day. During their talk, they decide to go to lunch and go directly there, which means that they met up sometime around 11am-12pm. So even Crowley calling in the middle of the night and setting up the meeting in the park with their code phrase means that the time of the meeting is always predetermined to be at least 11am, no matter what they need to discuss. Even after learning of Armageddon beginning, they waited until almost lunch the next day to meet up and talk about it because they never want to be seen in public together in the earlier mornings. They're afraid of someone seeing them going for a walk or getting a coffee together before midday and thinking they spent the previous night together. Crowley is always gone from the bookshop before the sun starts to come up and they never meet before 11am in an effort to keep anyone from figuring out that they are often in the bookshop-- and Aziraphale's bed-- together through the early morning hours.

Which tends to make this, their first time getting breakfast even if Crowley knew it wasn't really that because Aziraphale's "problem voice" was on, even more hilarious...

Crowley's like I left you blissed out and half-asleep in your bed *four hours ago*, angel... how on Earth is there a 'naked man friend' in your bookshop right now? He knows that Shax told him there's something going on and that Aziraphale called with a problem but this is the only time of day they usually spend apart and they always do so if Aziraphale is going to cheat on him-- which he's not lol-- this is when he would and based on the fact that Aziraphale panics at Crowley thinking there's another guy in the bookshop and based on Crowley's wtf? face at hearing there is, these two aren't sleeping with anyone else anymore and have a monogamous thing, even if they probably sort of forgot to have a discussion about it. Crowley can tell from Aziraphale's reaction that there's some misunderstanding here and then just gets bemused about it but also about ready to kill whatever guy, naked or not, is causing Aziraphale problems, only to find out that it's, well, the guy who tried to kill them.

In 2.01, when Gabriel makes his rather noticeable arrival on Aziraphale's doorstep, it is the mid-part of the morning-- probably somewhere around 9am as Maggie was just getting ready to open her store for the day, Nina was still busy but her more immediate pre-work coffee rush seemed to be winding down, and Aziraphale was having his breakfast tea on yet another day that his shop was not opening lol. The most major character to miss Gabriel's arrival is, of course, Crowley. Crowley's meeting with Shax is just before/happening in tandem with Aziraphale at Maggie's shop and then Gabriel's arrival and actually opens the storyline in the present in S2. The point is that Crowley misses Gabriel's arrival because he is not in the bookshop in the early mornings, which is then something that is heavily emphasized through Crowley and Aziraphale's first scene of the season via Nina to not just be about this particular early morning but all mornings.

When Aziraphale calls Crowley and has him meet him in Give Me Coffee, Nina has never met Crowley before. Give Me Coffee is fifteen steps across the street from the bookshop and sells coffee, tea and baked goods and Nina doesn't know Crowley. Nina has been there running it since post-S1. She knows Aziraphale though and, until the morning of 2.01, she thought the old bookseller a confirmed bachelor. In the span of 20 minutes, he gets a naked man possible deliveroo strippergram on his doorstep in front of the whole neighborhood and then then this other hot-- and surprisingly clothed-- Ginger Goth guy shows up to meet him for coffee. Nina's best guess for why the bookseller and his Crowley have never come across the street to her shop before and seem like they've literally never gotten breakfast together while they also "go way back" and have chemistry and affection for one another for days is that they're having an affair. Nina correctly guesses that their relationship is a secret and applies the most logical presumption that a human without knowledge of Heaven/Hell could-- that it's infidelity, not that they could be murdered if they were found out-- because these two live in London Soho in the year 2023 but are still afraid of being found out.

So, all of this shows how there's no Crowley in the bookshop in the morning. Neither of them have ever slipped across the street to bring back coffee and croissants for two at 7am or gone over to Nina's together. Aziraphale has been to Give Me Coffee alone before. Crowley and The Bentley are always nowhere to be found near the bookshop at this hour, which is how Crowley missed Gabriel's arrival.

So what does this all have to do with why Crowley doesn't just get a new apartment ahead of S2?

When Hell showed up in the form of Shax to reclaim the place in Mayfair in which Crowley was living, it really left Crowley with two choices. He wasn't about to tell Aziraphale because Aziraphale would feel like he had to ask him to move in with him for real and it was too dangerous. They can't have that so why bring it up and hurt them more? The two choices Crowley felt he had were to either get a new apartment or to just keep on as he's been living because the truth is... he hadn't been home to Mayfair that much lately anyway.

Before, Crowley and Aziraphale would try to go some amount of time between seeing each other but after S1, maybe with some exceptions around the Covid lockdowns but definitely not since they were lifted, they just stopped bothering that much. They were already together on borrowed time with no idea how much time they had until Armageddon: Round Two would start and they just wanted to be together so they kept up their whole routine of Crowley out before dawn and no mornings but Crowley had been more or less living in the bookshop for awhile ahead of S2.

As Aziraphale says here:

Meaning: they live together. Crowley's there all the time. Aziraphale does not mind. It's been months of Crowley in the bookshop every night. Aziraphale loves it. He hates him having to leave in the middle of the night as he always does but they've settled into a little domestic thing the best they can with the situation they have. The line is also laden with innuendo, suggesting they're not always just up talking and listening to old records until 4am but are regularly, ya know, setting off some alarm bells in Heaven together. (Couple Aziraphale's innuendo in the "plenty of use" scene with why Crowley says Muriel needs to leave the bookshop when he says he wants to take Aziraphale to breakfast at The Ritz. "We need a little 'us time'" meant all amnesiac angels and assorted representatives of Heaven and Hell need to get the Someplace out of this bookshop right now so I can finally watch that angel eat some pancakes and then take him to bed in our bed without worrying about someone needing a hot chocolate in the middle of the night.)

Their level of domesticity is actually shown to be pretty cute with this bit:

This is the most living together thing ever because it's saying that Crowley is just frequently in the bookshop while Aziraphale is out now. He's not even just there to see him but he spends time there alone while Aziraphale goes to the bank for change for the four books he sells a month and to his appointment with his barber and all his other little errands. You know Crowley likes waiting inside because he likes having a little time alone in a place where he's safe and won't be disturbed but also really the whole little domestic bliss of Aziraphale coming back and being all "Crowley? There you are" and showing him what he got at the shops and such. It's the most normal married thing imaginable and feels like they really live together and Crowley loves every minute of it.

So Hell taking his place in Mayfair back leaves Crowley with two options because it's still too risky for him and Aziraphale to just full on live together entirely: he can get a new apartment or he can basically just keep living with Aziraphale for most of the day and then spend the mornings in The Bentley/out.

If he gets a new apartment, he'd have to actually go there sometimes. He'd have to be seen moving his stuff into it and he'd have to get a new bed and he'd have to spend nights there sometimes to prove he's living there. It couldn't be suspiciously close to Aziraphale's place, so now he's got to drive more in the early morning hours. He's been spending so much time with Aziraphale, the thought of sleeping alone and spending the evenings alone again, even for a few nights now and then, is depressing. It was miserable before and now he can't to back to it again and he doesn't think Aziraphale would want to, either. He also doesn't exactly know how to tell him he'd have to be away some nights again without hurting him. They've both been alone more often than not for most of their existences and Crowley can't do it anymore. There's also, though, that getting another apartment also doesn't do much to help keep Heaven & Hell from thinking he and Aziraphale are involved... but pretending he's living in his car just might.

The only being of Heaven or Hell still talking to either him or Aziraphale is Shax and Crowley has to keep meeting up with her to get information on what's going on there and try to get a sense of how much time he and Aziraphale might have before Round Two. If he tells Shax that he's living in his car, then it makes him look less close to Aziraphale. Everyone knows Aziraphale has a private residence upstairs in the bookshop and that, if he and Crowley were really close, he'd have offered for Crowley to stay with him if he lost his apartment... so what if Crowley can make Heaven & Hell think they aren't that close, they just teamed up to stop Armageddon? He's even homeless now and the angel won't give him a place to stay. He tells Shax to tell Hell's Finance Office to send his bills to his car and Shax actually bought it and said she tried. Shax has been reporting back to Hell that Crowley is living in his car, which is what Crowley wanted her to think was the case.

Let Hell think they've won over him and taken his place and left him living in his car on a side street, let Shax keep meeting him in the early morning hours in his car on that side street... so that none of them figure out that he's actually living in the bookshop with Aziraphale.

In the meantime, no new apartment means no more nights away from Aziraphale. No commute back to it after picking up The Bentley on the side street means more time he can be with Aziraphale before he has to slip away in the early morning. He can just keep going from the bookshop to his car a few streets away each morning like he has been and that's the funniest part of it to him. Hell thinks they left him homeless and abandoned him and, really, they just made it easier for him to hide from them the fact that he's living with the angel he loves. All he has to do is bullshit them and he's good at that.

Crowley talking about living in his car is basically this in attitude, on steroids:

His pre-S2 conversations with Shax were like... Fuck, Shax, the crick in my neck from *sleeping in my car*... if Hell's Finance Office wants to find me, they can send the bills *to my car*... Bastard angel owns half of Soho, probably why I can't find a place... tell Lord Beezlebub if they're looking for me, they can go fuck themselves but if they absolutely have to contact me, they can find me *in my car*...

...and three hours or so earlier from every one of those conversations, Crowley was actually curled up in bed with Aziraphale in the bookshop.

[rinatic]

NCT: favourite positions

A/n: my first post in 3821592 years! I'm very sorry guye for not posting but i kinda have writer's block + college shit because I'm a junior and I'm literally regretting choosing my major omggg 😭 anyways i decided to post something before the year ends and it's slutty asf lol anyways I'm apologizing again for not posting for too long :(

Taeil

Cowgirl - he strikes me as a guy who doesn't like to move a lot during sex, and he likes being at the mercy of his girl often so i see him loving this position the most. He also can see your face and know how his cock is making you feel. Also, it makes him feel like he's just your human sex toy and it turns him on so much + the eye contact is the sexiest thing ever with this one.

Johnny

One on bed, one standing - this hoe.. he feels powerful when he's having sex in this position, holding you by the waist and just jamming his dick inside you like you're gonna run away. Johnny definitely likes to have sex with eye contact so he can fuck up all your senses, he also loves watching you squirm and tear up as he's rearranging your insides with his dick, he's very much all about control and sensuality.

Taeyong

69 - he seems like a switch to me but is more into being the sub one, i see him liking to have his girl's pussy on his face, it stimulates him so much and it's even better if she rocks her hips and move it on his face. He LOVES oral. Having you going down on him and hin doing the same at the same time is just so hot, and you two receive equal pleasure together, he likes it when oral is used for more than just foreplay.

Yuta

Doggy style - i will forever see yuta as a huge dom and i won't believe otherwise, my boy likes to assert his dominance even when it comes to positions. I see him manhandling his girl, throwing her into the bed, in all fours, grab her waist and puts it then he just moves like he didn't have sex in years, if yuta wants to fix positions during sex he won't tell you to, instead, he'll move you according to his mood. I see him using one hand on your back to bend it down and make your ass higher while the other hand is holding your jaw roughly to force you into looking at his lustful eyes.

Doyoung

Spooning - having your bare back against his chest, his hips smacking your ass while he's kissing your neck is what doyoung is about. He likes this position because he can hold and feel your boobs and it won't feel awkward, he also seems to enjoy hitting it from the back, also the ratio of your bare back to your waist and hips is just a huge turn on for him. He definitely won't be able to think of anything else.

Jaehyun

Reverse cowgirl - he'll be like "do it yourself" and pretend he's to be lazy while he actually wants to see how you would look riding him this way, and he doesn't want his expression to give it away lol so he asks you to ride him like this, he's enjoying the sight of his dick going in and out of you. It gets pretty intense and he loses control near the climax so he grabs your hair with one hand and the other is wrapped around your waist.

Jungwoo

Against the wall - when he's feeling sexy and confident, jungwoo will show you this shamless side of him and push you against the wall, holding your hips firm in his hands while adjusting his body so his cock can enter your pussy with no trouble, you're forced to hold onto the wall while he jams his dick inside you and his pretty lips spreading kisses all over your jaw and neck.

Mark

Legs over shoulders - mark is a horny bastard, and he lets you know. He loves your legs, he's such a thigh guy but i really can't explain it. Having your legs over his shoulders while his dick is all the way inside you is heaven to him. His hands keep leaving pink marks on your thigh from holding it harshly, he bites your things and licks the soft skin on your legs while looking down at you.

Haechan

Missionary - this cocky whore.. haechan is a romantic at heart + he wants to see how he makes you feel so the best position for his desires is missionary, he grabs both of your hands and puts it above your head so you won't be able to touch anything. He likes seeing you this helpless and vulnerable. Also lemme tell you that the intense eye contact almost never stops, it is always passionate with this hoe.

[badaziraphaletakes]

The autistic community in this fandom has repeatedly said that Aziraphale is extremely autistic coded. Maybe we should start listening. Let's go. *SIGHS*

There's so much I could talk about the critiques I see over this mostly pretty harmless scene, but I'll try to focus on the ableism here:

Aziraphale's playfulness is called "roleplaying" and "dismissive of Crowley's feelings" here. And I must say, as an autistic person, I find it offensive bc this is an extremely autistic coded moment where Aziraphale was unmasking in front of the only person he allows himself to do so and that usually implies he was inviting Crowley to do the same, he was most likely aware of Crowley's anxiety there and making himself vulnerable to him by unmasking, inviting him into his space and vice-versa. (I think calling his special interest, magic, "horrible" is also anti-autistic bias btw)

We never see Aziraphale acting like this with any other character besides Crowley, with whom he does this repeatedly. It's not a new situation. Crowley knows this, and he is used to this kind of behaviour from Aziraphale. And he loves to complain about it btw, and Aziraphale indulges him on that. This is love. This is intimacy.

I know it isn't perfect, I know it lacks verbal communication, but this isn't abusive behaviour in the slightest. Better communication is something they both need to work on after 6k years of having to hide their feelings bc they were being persecuted and abused, the story is telling us this. We have a whole other season for that, the story isn't over.

Now, regarding the second paragraph, the plot made it painfully obvious that the clue was real, so Aziraphale was not going to Edinburgh for fun. He had to go, and Crowley knew it (he never even argued against it), bc of the mystery of Gabriel's situation thay could backfire on them in the future. Who knows what Heaven was doing to their angels (and what they could do to aziracrow!! That's why Crowley had an informant. Didn't Metatron prove this in the end, that the threat was real?). Sure, Aziraphale had fun, bc he was bonding with Crowley through the Bentley and he loves him, so that makes him happy, but that's it. We're allowed to make the most out of a bad situation, guys. It's also a way to deal with stress. Aziraphale and Crowley have different ways of dealing with stress, and both are valid, they're different people, it's normal that they react differently to a crisis.

This scene was a very married moment tbh, filled with comfort with you partner (enough to unmask), an old known and comfortable dance for the both of them, and even an invite to take a step forward in their relationship.

Food for thought: I've been wondering why the fandom likes to say Azi and Crowley are like a "married couple" but some ppl at the same time hate when they in fact act like one?

And finally, again, this is such an autistic coded moment that I, an autistic person, had the exact same interpretation as Aziraphale. I had never noticed, until I read this take, that Crowley could've meant anything other than "you don't know how to drive" lol. Aziraphale was being himself here. His true confident unmasked self. Bc Crowley allows him that. Bc Crowley makes him feel like he can. He wasn't pretending or intentionally misinterpreting or manipulating anyone. Assuming the absolute worst of him bc he interpreted something in a literal way is anti-autistic bias. Assuming the worst of him bc he doesn't use the same code as you to communicate is ableism. Assuming his decision-making logic is invalid bc of the way he acts when unmasking is both.

[darkstarofchaos]

Spoilers for EarthSpark S2 below the cut.

The problem with Starscream isn't that he was evil. I have to lead with that because apparently if you complain about how he was handled, people are just going to assume you wanted him to be redeemed. I am not a Starscream redemptionist, nor am I a fan of "redemptions" where an evil character becomes a Good Guy. One of the biggest issues I have with Megatron redemptions is that he never actually has to address what he did to his own side, he just fucks off to join the other side/goes his own way. Suffice to say, I was not hoping for EarthSpark to "redeem" Starscream (unless it was in the more personal sense of trying to do better by his own people).

The problem with Starscream is not that he was evil. The problem is that, to make him the specific brand of evil the Powers That Be wanted, they had to completely ignore his previous characterization.

I honestly did not have a problem with most of his (admittedly few) scenes. His motivation for being Evil was disappointingly shallow, but him being grumpy-but-accepting of the new Terrans fit with his S1 characterization. The bit where Skywarp complains when he doesn't do anything to punish "Spitfire's" disrespect could easily have been spun as him trying to be a better leader after his talk with Hashtag. I liked that he isn't stingy with praise when someone accomplishes something. Even the painfully underdeveloped motivation could have been expanded into him trying to do what he thought was best for his faction. All the building blocks for a villainous-but-sympathetic Starscream were right there.

Which is why watching everything fall apart in the last 20 minutes felt like character assassination.

You cannot convince me that the Starscream who knew Hashtag for an hour and was ready to risk his life for her is the same Starscream who murdered two children without blinking. You cannot convince me that the Starscream who criticized Megatron's violent leadership would consider it a compliment when he's called more cruel than Megatron. I don't care what previous Starscreams were like, this one had an established characterization that does not work with what we see later. Not unless working with the Autobots briefly completely disillusioned him to the possibility of a lasting peace.

Also, love how the time skip allows them to just avoid any sort of fallout from having the people you were working with go back to trying to kill you. Love how there was no deeper reason to the war restarting than "they're Decepticons". Heaven forbid we get any sort of conflict with the two sides trying and failing to work together, and the falling out being a shared responsibility and not just "the Cons were actually still evil, lol". Can't have anyone grappling with how things went wrong and wishing they'd done something differently to maintain the peace. Megatron yells at Starscream to end the war like the Autobots played no part in it continuing. Which is obviously the intent, but it just feels like such a lazy copout to keep the Good Guys morally pure.

The Decepticons were being hunted down and locked up. They had no reason to think well of the Autobots or the humans, which means that if the Autobots wanted peace, it was their responsibility to reach out and prove that things could be different. Yes, the Decepticons would need to put in effort too, but they were not the ones - at least not the only ones - who needed to prove that they meant well. If the two sides worked together for a while and the Decepticons still unanimously rejected the possibility of ending the war, the Autobots share the blame for that decision.

I have plenty of other issues with how S2 is going so far (why was Nightshade the only Terran who got completely relegated to side character?), but I'll save my rant about the Chaos Terrans for later. It'll be huge, trust me.

[caineinthecorner]

Hi. I binged like 80 chats in a row and I have opinions(tm) about physical strength and general power stuff of the brothers. Mostly just strength related things, but I tried to cover most of their battle stuff.

Yes I know, yes I know, "they're ranked as siblings by power blabla", but that's LAME. So here are my personal takes mostly for fun. Canon is dead and I ate it.

Also I finished the dividers and general aesthetics of this blog woo

★ Lucifer.

Generally the strongest, period, can and WILL kill almost anyone without much issue or even second thought

Physical strength, however? He’s not the best, as he doesn’t rely on it at all for battle / conflict

He didn't need it in heaven, after all

(Beel was his brawns and he was already a powerful angel so it never was a requirement)

I don't see him actively working out (anymore, at least), so most of his strength is merely his baseline

His main tactic conflict wise is intimidation.

Cough giving MC death threats cough

Very prideful of himself in battle, obviously

Rarely would ever use any sort of dirty tricks

Would probably prefer to go down the "honorable way"

Target his brothers though and he WILL play every trick in the book with little regard to his pride or his own life

This fuck looks like he knows swordsmanship and is probably the only of the brothers who does so

(except maybe Satan who is learning just to copy / be better than him)

Either that or he knows fancy sword dances for angel rituals he cannot partake in anymore (and doesn't do them anymore)

Diavolo has photos of him doing said dances but his lips are triple sealed since it is a heavily touchy subject

★ Mammon.

Canonically this man is physically weak (or at least has a weak complexion / scrawny arms)

Probably the most disappointing in terms of strength because he is literally the second born

His saving grace is his unholy speed and dirty tricks, using it to cover his weaknesses / lack of physical strength.

A LOT of dirty tricks and bs magic stuff. So so many. Never ends

He’s the living embodiment of the “random bullshit go!!!” meme

You know Looney tunes? Yeah this man has the Bugs bunny's levels of bullshit

But he has the best stamina out of his brothers (so he can run away from his debts)

Doesn't train because he's already perfect as it is (<- that's his ego talking he can barely pick up the weights at Beel's gym)

Honor is for the dead type of person. Nothing is out of the table in battle

(^ that makes him terrifying to fight against btw)

He either tries to intimidate (imitating Lucifer) or sweet-talk his way out of conflict

It usually just pisses off his adversary more which actually leads to the fights starting, but hey, he tried 乁⁠(⁠ ⁠•⁠_⁠•⁠ ⁠)⁠ㄏ

★ Leviathan.

Physical strength is shit.

he will get his shit kicked if he tries to brawl with almost anyone

Except maybe the lowest hanging fruit (humans)

Magical or general strength is decent, but he's definitely not the greatest in battle out of the brothers

^ he's kinda insecure about this and he wishes he were stronger (he sulks about it)

Wishes that actual irl battles were like Fire Emblem or strategy games bcs he's actually good in those

Update: I didn't make it clear (mb lol) but I see him as the best strategist of the brothers by far, he just isn't good at front-line action

^ Being away from the front lines keeps the pressure away from him for the most part, and it avoids him getting riled up and acting rash

He once tried to workout with Beel but quickly got overwhelmed because Beel shoved 200kg weights onto him thinking it was an reasonable starting point

So he kinda has trauma(tm) about it

Despite his garbage physical prowess, he WILL start fights and get riled up easily

He goes onto his demon form immediately when he wants to fight

^ bcs his strength isn't great, and he needs any boost he can get

Plus, awful anger management

My man will get onto a fist fight with the demon equivalent of a redditor over anime waifus and he will lose

★ Satan.

As the literal embodiment of Wrath, he does pack quite a punch and will maul you to death with only his fists. No problems at all

But that's merely his baseline strength (which is a lot) since he doesn’t really train physically

Probably focuses on other areas (read: intelligence) instead of physical strength.

Which is ironic because he could kick Lucifer's ass in a fist fight if he actually trained more

But oh well. Books do be booking

Surprisingly strategic while in fights, although not above Going Apeshit

Funnily enough the least likely of the brothers to enter a fight

Has read The Art Of War and will quote it just to be a smartass

★ Asmodeus.

Physically? Weak.

Probably the weakest of the brothers, having more or less the strength of a human (and on the weaker side of that).

He doesn’t train whatsoever; Likes his slender figure and muscles “ruin” that.

However, he makes up for it on the "trickster" scale.

As the Avatar of Lust, he will probably go the charm route instead of wanting to directly fight his enemies, or he make someone else do the dirty work for him.

Think of Mammon but make it a bit less scummy, tricks wise.

His go-to is sweet talk.

Something something the Avatar of Lust being physically weak since sex is considered an act of vulnerability and therefore the lowering of one’s guard something something

Something something the poetic narrative of the Avatar of Lust having only power through Communication something something

★ Beelzebub.

Contrary to Asmo; he does lift for days and can pack quite the punch, being one of the stronger brothers physically despite being one of the youngest.

I don't see him caring much for magic or other types of strength, he is content in packing the punch and has the capabilities to back him up.

Fight wise he will probably punch the problems away

Maybe use one or two tricks he’s learned

Mostly relies on his intuition and gut and it surprisingly works out

Nothing fancy; Dictionary definition of all muscle no brain battle wise

Literally one of the scariest brothers to ever fight he will actually beat you to a bloody pulp

And make a smoothie out of it

★ Belphegor.

This fucker doesn't lift at all you can't tell me shit

At MOST he'll accompany Beel to the gym and would sleep at the benches

The strength he has is the strength he was born with

Which isn't a lot, but still above human average by quite a lot

More or less demon standard of strength. Maybe a slightly below it

But he's still above most demons by a mile in other regards, mostly magic prowess

He's stronger than Levi because I think it would be hilarious that the dude who sleeps all day is stronger than him

(or you can make him really physically strong just because it'd be funny to see the sleepy dude kick ass)

(either way is funny as shit go ham)

★ Physical strength chart

Behemoth type strength :

Beel (only barely)

Lucifer

Satan

High / Low above human average :

Mammon

Belphie (low diff w/ mammon)

Levi

Asmo

★General strength chart

Can kill hundreds no effort :

Lucifer

Satan (If apeshit)

Are not as strong but still terrifying :

Mammon

Beel

Belphie

Levi, Asmo (Tie)

[theyapper0]

FIRST PART OF "DISHONORED GUESTS"

(A "Welcome to Heaven" rewrite for my Hazbin reimagining)

(Before I get into it, I gotta give some context...

The "Dad Beat Dad" episode didn't happen (bc I don't want Lucifer at ALL in season 1 so there is a better build up to his character. I think he came WAY TOO SOON in canon LOL) 

Charlie doesn't ask Lucifer for the favor to get a meeting to Heaven, instead Alastor encouraged her to contact Adam and DEMAND a meeting as the Heir of Hell) 

(There are also 5 parts to this btw 😋)

____________________

The episode starts w/ a flashback. It's all blurry and all the viewer sees is blurry flashes of colors. 

You can hear Vaggie's voice, she sounds slightly younger. She's shouting out military commands. 

Then you hear another voice, it's the same voice that you heard from the first Episode, the Exorcist Angel that accompanied Adam during Charlie's meeting w/ him (Lute) 

A hand is placed on Silhouette!Vaggie’s shoulder, she's looking up at her, “Easy, soldier”

Lute then tells the rest of the division to “Try not to take the kid to seriously, she still cries about imps under her bed”

There's laughter from a group of Exorcists

Vaggie: UGH!! LUTE!! THEY SAID I COULD LEAD THIS TIME! YOU'RE RUINING IT!!!

Lute laughs, “Okay okay, I'll be quiet. You're doin’ great so far, V. Keep it up”

The dream ends abruptly. Vaggie is woken up to Charlie, who's buzzing around their bedroom. TODAY IS THE DAY THEY GO TO HEAVEN!!!!!!! AAAAHHH!!!! 

Vaggie goes to grab her spear but Charlie puts her hands over hers, “Maybe… don't bring it?”

Vaggie tries to protest, "What if it goes south?”

Charlie: I know but… I wanna make a good impression on Heaven. ‘show them we're not just violent beasts who don't trust anyone

Vaggie hums… 

Charlie: Come on, Vaggie! Nothing bad’s gonna happen! It's Heaven! ^^

Vaggie sighs and lets go of her spear, “Yeah… That's exactly what I'm worried about…”

Her spear is dull anyway, her blade sharpener broke the other day and they haven't had the time (or the money) to get a new one….

Angel, Husk, and Niffty still go to the club with Cherri Bomb

So Charlie and Vaggie go through the portal to Heaven and they walk go the gates of Heaven. 

I'll put the rest under the cut since this is LOOOOOONG

St. Peter isn't there at the gates, Emily is though. She's been waiting for their arrival!!! 

Emily introduces herself as Emily Eveningale!!!! and explains to them her job, making the people of Heaven happy. And then she's like “IT'S SO GREAT TO MEET YOU!!!!!!!🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩”

She explains that the Trial will be starting the moment the clock strikes midnight and that she'll be putting a magic timer on them to ensure they don't forget! 

Charlie's like, “MAGIC TIMER!!!??? SWEET!!!”

But then Vaggie then steps forward and is like, “Yeah, you can just put it on me, we won't be straying too far from each other anyway”

Emily: Ok! 

Emily graces the magic timer on upon Vaggie's wrist. Picture like an animal branding thing. 

Vaggie winces as it's put on.

Emily is like “Yeah, I’m really sorry if the stamp hurt! The trial will be starting at midnight!”

So they’ve got basically the whole day to waste LOL

The Heavenly Gates open and Emily brings them inside, she’s taking them to the Head Seraphim, Sera Eveningale.

So the three are walking through Heaven. Charlie and Emily are yappin’ and yappin’, getting along GREAT!! They meet each other’s energy super well and are basically like two hyperactive puppies at a dog park LMAO!

Charlie and Emily talking 

Vaggie is sota hanging back…. She looks on edge and keeps looking around.

Adam is walking with Saint Peter, they're talking and just having a grand ol’ time. Lute is trailing behind them. (she's still like Adam's bodyguard when she isn't training the Exorcists)

Lute spots them walking past with Emily. She sees stupid shitty fucking Charlotte and…. VAGGIE….. 

Adam looks too, but only focuses on Charlie and Emily. He heard Emily say something like “So what’s Hell like??? :O”!!

He’s not gonna like that.

They get to the Heavenly cathedral (it looks like the one in Hell (where Charlie had her meeting with Adam), just less run down and ugly). It's beautiful!!! 

Sera greets them with as much hospitality as she could muster 

They all talk for a while :) 

“A very interesting belief, the redemption of a Sinner…. And an even more interesting method of doing so with your hotel”

Charlie was gonna go into detail about it but Sera cuts her off and is like “Ah, we can save it for court” 

Sera repeats that the trial starts at midnight. “

“We'll show you to your chambers for the time being” 

So Sera and Emily are leading Charlie and Vaggie to their chambers.

While they're walking there, Emily speaks quietly to Sera… “Can't we give them something…. Nicer?” 

Sera just looks at her and doesn't say anything.

(Keep in mind the title of this episode)

So they get to the chambers and…..

Yeah, it's basically the dungeon in the basement. 

It’s dingy, dark and cold. They don't complain too much bc they're used to stuff like this in Hell but COME ON!!! They just saw a whole bunch of beauty in Heaven, they really couldn't have a nicer room!

Emily is like er… sorry, I wish I could give you a better place to stay. Charlie's like no worries? It's fine! ^^ 

Emily says they don't need to stay here until the trial, I could show you around!!! 

Charlie's like !!! Really!!!!

Emily is like yeah!!! 

Sera: Emily…

Emily: What? Oh come on, Sera!! It's fine! Nothing bad’ll happen! 

Sera is like “ok fine but,” She snaps her fingers and these white cuffs appear on Charlie

Vaggie is like HEY!! GET THAT SHIT OFF HER! 

Sera tells her to relax and is like “dw, it's just Heavenly cuffs. It disables Miss Morningstar’s satanic powers for as long as she has them on” 

Charlie is like “oh nonono I'm not gonna do anything, I swear”

Sera is like I'm sorry but you can never be too careful 

Sera leaves like “see u in court”

Emily hums, slightly annoyed but quickly hides it and smiles again. 

Emily asks Charlie if she's ever been to an aquarium and Charlie is like NO!!!!! Is it really as blue as I've heard?? And Emily is like the BLUEST!!!! 

Emily flies out like “race you outside!!!!” 

Charlie goes to run out but realizes that Vaggie hasn't moved, she's like “U coming, Vags?” 

Vaggie shakes her head and is like “nah, I don't think I wanna see Heaven…”

Charlie laughs, “What? Scared you'll love it and actually give redemption a shot?”

Vaggie smiles and they come closer to each other, she cups her face, “You know I'd never leave you”

Charlie smiles at her and holds her wrists. Vaggie looks down at the cuffs on Charlie and frowns

Charlie: You're worrying, Vaggie. Everything's gonna be okay, I know it

Vaggie hums, “Just be careful, okay?” 

Charlie nods, “Of course”

They kiss.

Charlie: So you're SURE you don't wanna come? I mean, I can stay here with you”

Vaggie looks at her, “Babe, we both know you wanna go see that aquarium, you're literally tap dancing in your spot right now. 

Vaggie: Go. I'd rather stay here :)

Charlie says that she'll bring her back something, from what she saw, the food in Heaven looks DELICIOUS!!! 

PART 1

PART 2

PART 3

PART 4

PART 5

[katamaricule]

What is dmbj? I've googled it but idk if it's one of those 'I love it and recommend it' shows or a 'I love it - pls never watch it <3' kinda show yk lol

Is there an answer somewhere in the middle? Because that's where it should go.

DMBJ is a franchise based on a set of novels by an author we'll call NPSS. These are mostly first-person tales narrated by a spoiled little dipshit named Wu Xie, as he and his friends go on tomb-raiding adventures, encounter supernatural obstacles, and learn about all the ways snakes don't work. The series has several giant holes in it, as NPSS tends to get bored and wander off mid-story. Several dramas and movies have tried to adapt various pieces of this gap-ridden, wholly unresolved saga, to varying degrees of success.

So to answer your question: There are installments of DMBJ that are a hoot that you should watch, and then there are installments of DMBJ that are also a hoot but you shouldn't watch before you have an affection for the franchise as a whole, and then there are installments of DMBJ that you should not watch even if you are a fan of the franchise because they are just not worth your time.

The problem is, not everybody agrees on what goes in which category. But if you're interested and want to give it a go, these are my personal takes on what's what, in chronological order of events as they happen in the series:

The Mystic Nine

Good starting place: Yeah, actually!

Requires prior knowledge: Nope

Actual ending: No resolution whatsoever

Wu Xie: He's not in this one

Best part: Charming characters you love or love to hate

Warning: Very cheaply produced, with cuts that render significant parts of the story incoherent

Worth watching: Yes, if you're willing to accept the jankiness

The Lost Tomb

Good starting place: Weirdly, no, considering that it's the first series they made

Requires prior knowledge: Not really

Actual ending: Oh, heavens no

Wu Xie: Cardboard twerp, kinda cute

Best part: There's ... some antics, I guess?

Warning: Makes some bizarre additions, condenses several books, just ... isn't very good

Worth watching: Not especially

The Lost Tomb 2

Good starting place: You could do worse

Requires prior knowledge: Some, but who knows if it helps?

Actual ending: Ha ha ha you're funny

Wu Xie: Breathtaking idiot twink street-parking a Maserati

Best part: Wu Xie and Pangzi are in love

Warning: Interminable bronze tree plotline, incomprehensible timeline especially at the ending

Worth watching: Sure, but bring a book for the long stretches

The Lost Tomb 2: Explore With the Note

Good starting place: It doesn't matter, because you're not going to watch this one

Requires prior knowledge: It can't save you

Actual ending: Nothing of the sort

Wu Xie: Shove that whiny nerd in a locker

Best part: There is no best part

Warning: Don't do this to yourself

Worth watching: What do you think

Ultimate Note

Good starting place: It seems like no at first, but it actually is!

Requires prior knowledge: It helps, but you can get by without it

Actual ending: Complete cliffhanger

Wu Xie: Precious muffin

Best part: Everyone is so cute, also heihua

Warning: Tonally way goofier than the other series

Worth watching: Yes! This one's so fun

Tomb of the Sea/Sand Sea

Good starting place: If you like things on Hard Mode

Requires prior knowledge: The main character doesn't have any, so why should you?

Actual ending: It thinks it does, but it's stupid and slapdash and leaves a million loose ends

Wu Xie: Mafia widow (also he's not the main character)

Best part: Seeing from the outside how fucked-up the whole Tomb Raiding Industrial Complex is

Warning: A hot mess, but occasionally a beautiful one

Worth watching: Yes, but maybe save it for later

Reunion: The Sound of the Providence

Good starting place: Shockingly, yes

Requires prior knowledge: No, though it recontextualizes everything once you know more

Actual ending: Yes! Holy shit! We got an ending here!

Wu Xie: Consumptive angel with a gun

Best part: Some truly impressive performances from Actual Actors, Wu Xie and Pangzi are married

Warning: Honestly, just watch this one first so you don't know what you're missing, because once you do, you can't unsee it

Worth watching: Definitely

I hope that ... helps? Or at least doesn't make your confusion worse?